[Fox]

Thanks for the comments.

Originally Posted by ssandra

Does it hurt more to stay or to leave?
Does it make you happier to stay or leave?

I simply don't know. It hurts to stay, it hurts to leave.

Originally Posted by garentee

Talk to her about this.You may be able to work something out that gives you the freedom and lets you keep a good relationship. Growth happens very often during relationships and communication is the key for fostering growth between the two parties of the couple. You are 23, there is A LOT of life out there.. you can experience it with or with out her, point is that you will experience life either way. Your choice... Personally if it is a good working relationship with high levels of communication it is worth it to invest in it..

Yes we have talked about this. And when we do, like yesterday, we just end up crying. She's willing to build this. And I'm at the same time building and destroying.

We have big fights when we are out together. Hanging with people makes me alive. She blames me of being cold towards her. She feels I don't treat her as my girlfriend when we are out. I don't do this on purpose. My focus is just on other people. It's important to me and she knows it. We have talked about this and she admits that her focus is too much on me. She's afraid of losing me.

She's easily jealous. So am I actually (something that she doesn't know). I have learned to understand social interactions a bit too well. So I don't feel very good when some guy gets her attention. I might overanalyze everything. I'm not afraid of losing her but deep down I'm just hurt if I think she's fantasizing of some guy. (Which is just stupid.)

We can communicate and she is willing to improve herself. She really wants this to work. And I have never have such a deep connection with anyone.

Originally Posted by James81

You already know what you need and want to do. It's littered all throughout your posts. You just feel obligated to do the "right thing" except the right thing is just a construct you've put there yourself.

All signs point to what you truly want to do in that post. But can you see it?

I'm just wondering... Am I willing to leave due to wrong reasons? Just avoiding pain. Being a pua seems so narcisstic. They are no longer obsessed with a certain girl- they are obsessed with women/people in general.

And if this relationship doesn't work then what will? Or is anything ever meant to work (as cylon seems to put it)?

Previously I was very afraid of what other people think of me. Especially those who were close to me. I believe i still am. Can't leave because it makes her hate me and turns her cold. And when I imagine a world without her, everything feels cold and empty.

There was time when I mostly preferred to be alone because the world was cruel. Now it's difficult to be alone, I'm either addicted to my gf or other women. i.e. positive attention. The more people I have around the less one bad interaction hurts.

She says if I leave her now, she doesn't want to be friends with me. She suggests we could be together to spring and then she goes abroad. And when she comes back we could just see if there's anything left.

What I wanted you to tell me? I don't know. I hate to stay and hate to leave.

Maybe I'm trying to fill some empty part inside me with this relationship. Deep down I want to be accepted. And it's the same with people in general.

What i hate for example, is when i'm too "engaged" with her or with anyone it causes pain. I have to meet people who I wouldn't otherwise meet.

It's like two kind of propaganda was fighting inside me. Am I being brainwashed by all this pua stuff or by my society?