Around two years ago, I began a relationship with a divorced dad of three. I was 20, and he was 36 and had been divorced for around 2 years. His children were 8, 6 and 5.
He had shared custody of his children, and they came to stay with him one day and night every weekend. He worked away many days during the week and his ex-wife would not let him in the house, so he had to make do with phone calls every night.
At first the relationship was great. He would cook me amazing meals, send flowers to my workplace, promise me amazing holidays and generally swept me off my feet. I thought it was sweet that he was so loving towards his children- everything he did was for them, and he involved me in their lives straight away. Things got serious very quickly, and I practically moved in after around a month.
He would tell me about his relationship with his ex-wife. She was a complete ♥♥♥♥♥- divorced him for no reason, treated him badly and withheld access to the children whenever she was dissatisfied- which she often was due to my presence.
Over time, though, I began to see cracks in this story. While she didn't seem like the nicest woman in the world, I stopped believing that she had left him for no reason. They were at least as bad as each other. His jealousy and possessive nature drove me mad. I couldn't speak about male friends I had had for years, or any men in work. He constantly accused me of cheating with everyone I met or everyone who looked at me. If he could not find evidence of it, it was because I was good at hiding it. He said that since I was so much younger than him, I must certainly be looking for a younger man.
His ex-wife was a nightmare. She would drive to the house when she knew I was alone there and sit outside in her car. She was a policewoman and would check my car tax and tyres. She would say that the children could not come round if I was there, and her whole family pretended I didn't exist.
In addition, I came bottom of his list of priorities. Of course, his children came first. This is absolutely right- I would not expect any man to put anything above his children on his list of priorities. But this still irked me on occasion. Not one holiday that he promised me, or even night away, ever materialised because it would interfere with the children's visits. Our nights would be ruined by a bad phone call to his children. He would always have the children on any special occasions, including Valentine's day and our birthdays. Day-to-day, I was shown no consideration when my needs differed to theirs.
After 15 months, I had had enough. In February this year, I finished it and have never been so sure of anything in my life. Except that never again would I be in a relationship with a divorced man.
Divorced men, for me, come with far too much baggage. In addition to the jealousy and ex-wife, this does include the children. I do want my own children. But, until that time, I want someone who's going to put
me first.
This also applies to age gaps. I will never again have such a big age gap. My boyfriend is 8 years older than me, and that seems about right. I tend to find that men over 30 are single for a reason. Either they are divorced, or they are playboys who never could settle down. And neither are right for me.
There is one caveat to this story- the only time I would consider a relationship with a divorcee would be if I were divorced myself, and therefore carried the same baggage.
Perhaps I just got a bad one, and not all divorced men are the same. I don't mean to imply this so, if you are divorced, please don't take offence. (You probably wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me either
)
I suppose this has come about off the back of Steve's impending divorce, but I'd be interested to hear other people's thoughts on it. Would you have a relationship with a divorcee, or people with children? What if those children would be coming to live with you? How do you feel about age gaps?