Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - What defines a "Nice Guy" and how to avoid becomming one!

Johnny Soporno · 10-29-2009, 09:31 AM

It is critical to distinguish between a "Nice Guy" and a "good guy" (or "great guy", etc).

To my reckoning, NOBODY respects a "Nice Guy", because they explicitly do not respect themselves. They demonstrate this continuously, by being unwilling to stand-up for themselves.

The "Nice Guy" mistakenly believes that if he says "No", or fails immediately to insist that he assist at every opportunity, he will not be "liked".

A "Nice Guy" is UTTERLY concerned that women "like" him, perhaps even that EVERYONE likes him... so much so, that he abandons his own needs and wants.

In the process of constantly supplicating to others, thanklessly, he generates a HUGE degree of resentment, both in his own mind (against those who 'fail to see what a nice guy he is, and therefore don't choose to date him', as well as in the minds of those people whose 'asses he is kissing', because THEY can sense that his 'altruism' is laden with implicit obligation, and that he is expectant that they will ultimately appreciate him.

However, doing things for people who don't wish it, or feel they deserve it, will NEVER generate appreciation - it will only generate contempt. This is a very hard lesson for most people to learn, but it is ESSENTIAL if a "Nice Guy" ever wishes to transcend from his self-imposed Hell.

Alternatively, most everyone respects and appreciates a "Good Guy", one who is happy to help when he's asked; happy to offer his assistance when it is not too inconvenient for him; follows through with commitments, (because he doesn't "over-commit" as a result of being unable to say "no"...); and values his OWN time and effort, so he doesn't give it away to the unappreciative.

Johnny Soporno
Lifestyle Guru

10-29-2009, 09:31 AM	#1 (permalink)
Johnny Soporno Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 185	What defines a "Nice Guy" and how to avoid becoming one! It is critical to distinguish between a "Nice Guy" and a "good guy" (or "great guy", etc). To my reckoning, NOBODY respects a "Nice Guy", because they explicitly do not respect themselves. They demonstrate this continuously, by being unwilling to stand-up for themselves. The "Nice Guy" mistakenly believes that if he says "No", or fails immediately to insist that he assist at every opportunity, he will not be "liked". A "Nice Guy" is UTTERLY concerned that women "like" him, perhaps even that EVERYONE likes him... so much so, that he abandons his own needs and wants. In the process of constantly supplicating to others, thanklessly, he generates a HUGE degree of resentment, both in his own mind (against those who 'fail to see what a nice guy he is, and therefore don't choose to date him', as well as in the minds of those people whose 'asses he is kissing', because THEY can sense that his 'altruism' is laden with implicit obligation, and that he is expectant that they will ultimately appreciate him. However, doing things for people who don't wish it, or feel they deserve it, will NEVER generate appreciation - it will only generate contempt. This is a very hard lesson for most people to learn, but it is ESSENTIAL if a "Nice Guy" ever wishes to transcend from his self-imposed Hell. Alternatively, most everyone respects and appreciates a "Good Guy", one who is happy to help when he's asked; happy to offer his assistance when it is not too inconvenient for him; follows through with commitments, (because he doesn't "over-commit" as a result of being unable to say "no"...); and values his OWN time and effort, so he doesn't give it away to the unappreciative. Johnny Soporno Lifestyle Guru Last edited by Johnny Soporno; 10-29-2009 at 09:25 PM.