cyllya and cylon - you guys are making a lot of sense.
A common drama that is played out with the NiceGuy(tm) is that of playing the role of the 'girlfriend' of the woman that he's secretly in love with.
(NG's internal monologue) "I'm such a good listener and some day Sarah's going to see that her boyfriend Brent is a jerk and I'm the guy for her. She really trusts me by telling me all the things about him that she can't stand, and how he treats her so badly! Some day she'll realize!"
(Sarah's internal monologue) "It's so great that I have a male friend like NG who I can share things with. I feel so safe with him, like he was one of my girlfriends. He's not like other guys, who are only after one thing. I wish Brent were more like him."
Of course, NG is not really very 'nice' at all - he's listening and paying attention inauthentically, with a obvious ulterior motive. He thinks that he's building karma up with Sarah and some day he's going to cash it in and get himself the girlfriend that he wanted. But it's not going to work because he's acting like a platonic friend, not a lover. And Sarah may very well be upset when she realizes that NG has been keeping score and thinks that she 'owes him' a relationship because of all the friendship he's 'given' her.
On Sarah's side, she's placed NG solidly in the 'friend zone' because he's never given her any indication that he wants to be anywhere else - no communication of sexual or romantic interest, or flirtation or creation sexual tension. In short, he's never communicated his feelings honestly. And in reality, she wouldn't really want Brent to behave like NG. Instead, given the choice, she would want a kinder version of Brent, but who still had the confidence and vitality that presumably attracted her to him in the first place.
cylon, I think your solution can break this problem or most other problems that the NG has - as you wrote, the key is to become authentic and confident, and strike out boldly for what you really want.
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