[cylon]

It's true, women often tell men who aren't being successful with women that "they don't get why he's not successful, because they are so nice, such great guys." Unfortunately, this is killing with kindness. No one wants to point out the real guy's problem, which he's probably desperate to find out, so in order to spare his feelings, they tell him to keep doing the wrong thing, and he is justifiably frustrated because he keeps doing what women tell him he should do. They know he's a wuss with no sense of self-direction or purpose. They just don't want to be the one to tell him. So they tell him instead to keep on keeping on.

Eventually he (hopefully) realizes that doing what women tell him to do, is the exact thing that is causing his problems in the first place. The thing that is required is to develop his masculinity. Being a real man. That doesn't mean you are cruel or insensitive, but it means you forge your own path and don't sacrifice your desires or happiness to other people, you don't put others on a pedestal and jump through hoops just to please them, and you are the dominant one in the relationship, no matter how many p.c. messages you hear to the contrary. Masculinity and femininity are different things and those who don't see or deny the difference are out of touch with their own sexuality and their own personal power.

So in this context "nice guy" doesn't mean good person who is just a positive force in his and others lives, it means a man who is completely disconnected from his true self and is basically a little boy looking to the grown-ups to tell him what to do.

But people can change, if they want to. Nice guys aren't forced to be that way forever. If they choose, they can learn the error of their ways and start living more authentic lives where their own needs start becoming a priority.