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Originally Posted by theorique  His female friends tell him "you really deserve a girlfriend, you're such a nice guy", and he begins to believe that being nicer and nicer is the solution, rather than developing qualities that actually attract good potential lovers. |
Been there, done that. If I had a penny for every time I've heard phrases like "I don't understand why you don't have a girlfriend. You're so nice" from female friends or girls I was interested in. Rule #1: Never take relationship advice from women
I had a very typical "nice guy" upbringing - raised by my mother as the single parent, alcoholic and emotionally unavailable father and few male role models growing up. Lots of female teachers in school. Fortunately, it's possible to do something about the "nice guy" tendencies and neediness, although I can attest to the fact that it takes time to change the patterns. Some of the things that have helped me in changing my unhelpful "nice guy" patterns in general have been: Standing firm on my opinions, being less available, fulfilling my own needs before the needs of others, saying no more often, dating multiple women at the same time and physical training - nothing like fighting through the pain of a hard weight lifting session to build character.
I don't always succeed in these things, naturally, but I try. I still have to "catch" myself before accepting to do something I don't feel like doing or before saying something to gain approval.