Quote:
Originally Posted by brendannz  Do nice guys put up with way more than they should have to in a relationship? |
Very much so. I'm a (recovering) "nice guy" myself and have personally noticed some very unhelpful patterns. Like trying to
always be there for my ex-girlfriend, who had troubles because of Borderline Personality Disorder, and not attending to my own needs. Even when she didn't want to continue the relationship, I still tried to be there for her. Important lesson: You can't fix people.. so don't try. Besides the obvious lesson: Keep away from girls with BPD
I think wanting to help people (excessively) is a common theme for "nice guys".
I have a close friend who is pretty much
the prototype of a "nice guy". He has always been that way and he has a hard time saying no to anyone.. he does things like fixing his wife's mother's neighbors' daughter's computer for free, even though he doesn't feel like it or know her. Seriously.
He has basically given all control in his marriage to his wife, to a point where she suggests they install very pink speakers in the living room and he just agrees to it. Ever since high school, he has always wanted to settle down with a family, so he's living his dream.. but I can't help but think what would happen to him if they were to split up - that would destroy him, really. It's a textbook example of what neediness can do to you.
Still - the marriage seems to be working out perfectly in spite of this. They are
very much in love and spend almost all of their non-working waking time together. Which would probably be toxic for most couples, but it works for them.