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Originally Posted by rhyaand  Yikes, that sounds like no fun at all (the non-orgasmic part  )
Just having sex to keep the chemicals in line is not what I mean by choosing. That sounds more like taking a sedative to repress an emotion instead of consciously choosing one. |
It's very different than what we're raised to believe, no doubt about it at all. In fact the book is very much about the false belief that it is the orgasm itself that makes us feel better and is the most fun, when in reality, the aftermath of the orgasm is what causes fights, lethargy, and that icky feeling that your partner's bad habits are actually a major deal.
In a nutshell, once you've reached orgasm you get a rush of chemicals that say "I'm done with this person--let's find a new mate". Supposedly, without the orgasm, the lovemaking is supposed to be even better because it can last for extremely long periods of time, and you can stay in that sort of blissed-out, attachment feeling for your partner indefinitely. The book is full of examples of people who changed their sex-habits and say the sex is better and that they actually feel as attracted if not more attracted to their partner as they did when they first met. Essentially they are amping up the bonding hormone (oxytocin) and doing away completely with the "break-up" hormone (prolactin) that follows immediately after an orgasm.
Again, look it up and make up your own mind about it---but don't judge the entire concept based on what you've seen from me. It's a complex topic with lots of interesting conclusions and it's worth investigating. I'll leave it at that since I don't want to derail the thread.