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Originally Posted by Gene  I would ask the parties involved if either of them see the open relationship phase as a downgrade. I am simply unable to know what either of them thinks, feels, wants at any moment unless they have communicated with me/us about their experience. |
I have a brother who went down the "open relationship" road with his wife. They agreed to it; they were both "fine with it"; blah, blah, blah.
What they thought was the latest and coolest thing (even though it's been around for eons) to do turned into a major disaster for the entire family and had major negative consequences. They have two kids, and their son has had all kinds of problems; not to mention the marital problems that inevitably followed that ill conceived, ill fated and incredibly stupid decision to "date' others while being married. I warned them, but they just wouldn't listen to me or anyone else. They had to learn the hard way. Fortunately, they DID learn.
Bringing third parties into a committed relationship is a recipe for disaster as far as the relationship is concerned in most cases; despite the people running around claiming how wonderful open marriages can be. I've seen relationships ruined through things like pornography, which isn't even real people; only images; but when married people agree to having intimate relationships with other people, how can they possibly they expect to remain truly committed to one another? I just can't even fathom the concept personally. What's the point of even being married if a couple can't even be faithful to one another?? It's not that difficult.
The way I see it, if someone wants to be intimate with numerous people; fine; but don't get married if that's what you're into. It's not hard to have numerous sexual partners and not marry any of them. It's very simple actually. If people want out of a marriage, then get out of it; THEN go find someone else. Why is that such a difficult thing to grasp for so many people??
I know I can't speak for everyone and we all have different values, but I would put my money on the fact that open marriages usually don't last very long and people in them don't, and in many cases, simply CAN'T really know what true commitment is. I would also put my money on the fact that many people get hurt really badly in those types of arrangements; sooner or later. People can take every precaution available, but they just don't make condoms for hearts and they never will.