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Lola · 02-21-2007, 04:29 AM

I'm a LONG time approval seeker - in recovery for a couple of years now. (Almost seems like there ought to be a 12-step program).

I learned, after 40 some years of constantly auditing and altering my behavior to gain the unconditional love and acceptance I was seeking from everyone else, that what I was really seeking was for me to approve of me. I wasn't sure who I was or how I should be so I had to look outside of myself for validation that I was doing it right. As long as I relied on outside sources to define me, I was subject to what everyone else thought, and in some cases to their control. My identity was defined by whatever role I was playing and my self esteem was dependent on receiving positive feedback from the principal people in my life.

Consciously work on loving, accepting and approving of yourself, regardless. Then either the approval comes with it, or, like MementoMori says, you don't care anymore.

(I'm very tired so this may sound like senseless babbling. In which case I'll fix it tomorrow. Or, maybe I just won't care!)

02-21-2007, 04:29 AM	#9 (permalink)
Lola Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 679	I'm a LONG time approval seeker - in recovery for a couple of years now. (Almost seems like there ought to be a 12-step program). I learned, after 40 some years of constantly auditing and altering my behavior to gain the unconditional love and acceptance I was seeking from everyone else, that what I was really seeking was for me to approve of me. I wasn't sure who I was or how I should be so I had to look outside of myself for validation that I was doing it right. As long as I relied on outside sources to define me, I was subject to what everyone else thought, and in some cases to their control. My identity was defined by whatever role I was playing and my self esteem was dependent on receiving positive feedback from the principal people in my life. Consciously work on loving, accepting and approving of yourself, regardless. Then either the approval comes with it, or, like MementoMori says, you don't care anymore. (I'm very tired so this may sound like senseless babbling. In which case I'll fix it tomorrow. Or, maybe I just won't care!)