The main thing about spiritual teachings given in books is that they talk about things in two different levels -- the relative, in which we live in, and the Absolute, in which things are in truth (but we aren't there yet).
this is why its confusing to me why i should even write this post. if everything is all part of the plan what is there to worry about, ponder about, think about ever. everything is going to happen the way its supposed to. i guess.
This is part of the Absolute view. And it's also not entirely true, there is no "supposed to" in Reality. Things are as they are, and happen as they happen. There is no plan, that label is projected onto Reality.
We live in the relative world, and the guiding principles which we live our lives need to be based on the relative. In the relative world, there is free will, there is choice, our decisions matter, other people are real, the world is real, etc. Many of Steve's blog articles may be extremely helpful for you, to get your life back on track. If everything just happened as it is supposed to happen, none of those articles would be helpful or needed.
Meditation is a wonderful thing, but it needs to be grounded in a balanced and well-ordered life. If you are internally balanced then the externals may not matter as much. But it seems like you aren't internally nor externally balanced at this point in time. So I suggest getting both of them in order, starting with the external (it's easier). Only then will you make speedy spiritual progress.
As for discovering your purpose...something that might be helpful is to remember all the times that you cried before in the past. Those all are mini-surges of emotion that may be pieces of the puzzle. Even crying about nothing making you cry, points to something -- perhaps that things aren't meant to be this way, that good should triumph, that life should be joyful, that life should have meaning, etc.
If you still can't find your purpose, just borrow the ones that the Great Avatars of history have proposed -- salvation, enlightenment, liberation. This is equivalent to finding yourself, your true Self, which is God.
Best of luck to you! Hope you find what you are looking for.