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CoolBee · 10-24-2009, 10:09 PM

As someone who has been living in a foreign country for 2 years, I understand where you're coming from.

You don't want to come across like a needy bunny boiler on the one hand or cold and uninterested on the other.

If you want a rough rule of thumb, then initially, don't plan to get together on a 1-1 basis more often than fortnightly unless you have some very good exterior reason - eg a weekly class together.

If the people you are meeting have families esp. small kids, then once a month is often enough and even that might be difficult sometimes - time flies by! If they are single, maybe 2-3 weeks. Until you get to know people really well, then keep a good mix of individual 1-1 meet ups and group meet ups going on.

Be VERY VERY wary of anyone who is your instant best friend, invites you round all the time, or wants to see you all the time, offers (and does) many acts of apparent help and kindness while refusing to accept any kind of payment (believe me your time to pay will come when all the emotional control issues surface some months down the line!).

Try and get a good mix of being the inviter and invitee in. If you are always the one doing the calling you start to wonder if you should be taking a hint - if the other person is always doing the calling, then if you are not initiating contact because you don't want to see them, try to make that clear somehow. If its because you are too lazy or shy, there's a high chance they make take an unintended hint and stop bothering.

I see nothing wrong with sending the occasional text or facebook message or comment just to slowly build up friendships. Not everyone is good at phones (eg me, I have crap reception in my home so if someone calls, I have to go outside for most mobile phone calls and that is not very convenient sometimes!) and it can be most offputting if someone is going 'pardon, sorry didn't catch that' for most of a conversation!

10-24-2009, 10:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
CoolBee Family Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 2,044	As someone who has been living in a foreign country for 2 years, I understand where you're coming from. You don't want to come across like a needy bunny boiler on the one hand or cold and uninterested on the other. If you want a rough rule of thumb, then initially, don't plan to get together on a 1-1 basis more often than fortnightly unless you have some very good exterior reason - eg a weekly class together. If the people you are meeting have families esp. small kids, then once a month is often enough and even that might be difficult sometimes - time flies by! If they are single, maybe 2-3 weeks. Until you get to know people really well, then keep a good mix of individual 1-1 meet ups and group meet ups going on. Be VERY VERY wary of anyone who is your instant best friend, invites you round all the time, or wants to see you all the time, offers (and does) many acts of apparent help and kindness while refusing to accept any kind of payment (believe me your time to pay will come when all the emotional control issues surface some months down the line!). Try and get a good mix of being the inviter and invitee in. If you are always the one doing the calling you start to wonder if you should be taking a hint - if the other person is always doing the calling, then if you are not initiating contact because you don't want to see them, try to make that clear somehow. If its because you are too lazy or shy, there's a high chance they make take an unintended hint and stop bothering. I see nothing wrong with sending the occasional text or facebook message or comment just to slowly build up friendships. Not everyone is good at phones (eg me, I have crap reception in my home so if someone calls, I have to go outside for most mobile phone calls and that is not very convenient sometimes!) and it can be most offputting if someone is going 'pardon, sorry didn't catch that' for most of a conversation!