[SmartAlx]

I would suggest that you get marriage counceling, even though things aren't that bad right now, best nip it in the bud before anything becomes a problem.

Personally, and I mean this with as much love and respect I can muster, from your description it seems to me that you are a bit self - ish in your approach to life. After all, you are more afraid to be your husband's nursemaid than to be alone. It seems that you have embraced feminism a bit too much. Not that I'm advocating being a nursemaid. But a relationship takes cooperation. If you cook the dinner, maybe he'll do the laundry. If he takes care of the car, maybe you'll mow the lawn. Whatever. Share the chores.

I'm sure the problem is not all your fault but the impression I get from what you have written is that you don't need him. What if he dies? Will you cry? Will you be devastated? You should be. The idea of losing your husband in a car accident should shake you to your core. You are a woman after all... your relationships are most important to you, right? If you didn't have ANY relationships you would probably want to stop living, right? So you actually DO need relationships. Well, what is the most important relationship in your life? It better be the relationship you have with your husband or you are committing emotional adultery.

Love is by definition selfLESS. Love is an emotion not about yourself. It's an emotion about the other person. It's caring more about their well being than caring about your own. If you have to choose between them getting their way and you getting your way if you love them you will choose to let them have their way.

A loving couple will have arguments like, "no, let's do what you want." "NO! I'm telling you we are going to do what YOU want."

My personal advice to you would be to entice him. Don't rub his back. Entice him to rub yours. Don't ask. Win it. Don't ask for a massage. Be sexy. Use your feminine wiles. That is the real strength that women have. You can get men to do what you want by being feminine. There's nothing wrong with it. Embrace your femininity. It will awaken the man inside your husband and he will want to sweep you off your feet and seduce you.*

The reason you don't feel loving isn't because there is something wrong with you, but because he isn't making you feel loved. It seems like he is more desperate than you, right? Well, if love is his main focus, then he is desperate because that's not natural for a man. A man's main focus in life isn't to get love. It's to get respect. Sure he wants love, but respect is more important to him, especially from is his wife. So respect him. Don't just say, "I respect you." Don't just NOT DIS-respect him. You have to demonstrate it.

There are 3 levels of respect: Disrespect, courtesy, and true respect. Most people think that courtesy is respect. It's not. Respect is doing more than treating them like every other stranger you meet. It's better than just treating the waitress respectFULLY. True respect is honoring them. Looking up to them. It's the feeling you had for your father when you were 6. That is the ideal. It's what your husband wants from you. He wants you to be proud of him. He wants you to be proud to be his wife.

Are you? Do you let him know how lucky you are to be married to him? Show it. When he feels respected by you, you will feel loved by him. And you will openly return that love.

*This is the bane of feminism and the misunderstanding about equality. Equality is great and all. We are equal in value, but we are distinct. A man is a lump of gold worth a million dollars. A woman is a pile of diamonds worth a million dollars. Men are the ring. Women are the diamond. Both work together to form the diamond ring. We need to embrace our gender rather than assume that there is nothing different except for our genitalia.