Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Is she not the one OR am I blocked and I don't know it? HELP!

ar81 · 10-19-2009, 11:38 PM

I can see there is fear of being abandoned in both of you.
You expresss it by being attached to past relations and opening the possibility of abandoning her and not letting your true soul to show up.

She also has fear of being abandoned as she faces the possibility of being abandoned (you told her). You may be sincere, but also you may hurt her where it hurts her the most. Her instability comes from those words of yours. You pushed the wrong button...

Being abandoned was an isolated event in the past.
But you keep believing it is real.

Why not support each other, and decide that no one will be abandoned anymore as long as it depends on you? No one deserves to suffer what you have suffered.

Be a role model. Parents often do not know how to be a role model, so you will have to be a rebel and create it from scratch.

Do not let resentment to get in the middle of your relationship. If resentment gets in the way, it will pave the way to pain and "divorce". And then both of you will be headed towards abandonment and fear again.

Copy/paste the contents of this thread:
for committed partners/spouses
Discuss it with your partner.

You also may need to forgive your parents (I bet they would not have abandoned you if they were mature enough and aware of the impact they would have in your lives), both of you forgive them, and then forgive yourselves (you must forgive yourself and she must forgive herself, because abandonment brings lots of guilt to young people).

From this day, everything you do must be aimed at helping her to improve each other lives. The price for not doing so is to live in pain. And you both need to rebel against unhappiness, the horrible role model you learned from your parents.

Please. You both, get out from that world of suffering. Your mission in life is not to suffer. Suffering is a distraction. You both have a mission in life, and you may need to overcome your pain to go for it. The real world is happy, and you will discover it. Unhappiness is a biochemical cheat of our brains.

Heal the pain, do not make it bigger.

10-19-2009, 11:38 PM	#3 (permalink)
ar81 Family Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,756	I can see there is fear of being abandoned in both of you. You expresss it by being attached to past relations and opening the possibility of abandoning her and not letting your true soul to show up. She also has fear of being abandoned as she faces the possibility of being abandoned (you told her). You may be sincere, but also you may hurt her where it hurts her the most. Her instability comes from those words of yours. You pushed the wrong button... Being abandoned was an isolated event in the past. But you keep believing it is real. Why not support each other, and decide that no one will be abandoned anymore as long as it depends on you? No one deserves to suffer what you have suffered. Be a role model. Parents often do not know how to be a role model, so you will have to be a rebel and create it from scratch. Do not let resentment to get in the middle of your relationship. If resentment gets in the way, it will pave the way to pain and "divorce". And then both of you will be headed towards abandonment and fear again. Copy/paste the contents of this thread: for committed partners/spouses Discuss it with your partner. You also may need to forgive your parents (I bet they would not have abandoned you if they were mature enough and aware of the impact they would have in your lives), both of you forgive them, and then forgive yourselves (you must forgive yourself and she must forgive herself, because abandonment brings lots of guilt to young people). From this day, everything you do must be aimed at helping her to improve each other lives. The price for not doing so is to live in pain. And you both need to rebel against unhappiness, the horrible role model you learned from your parents. Please. You both, get out from that world of suffering. Your mission in life is not to suffer. Suffering is a distraction. You both have a mission in life, and you may need to overcome your pain to go for it. The real world is happy, and you will discover it. Unhappiness is a biochemical cheat of our brains. Heal the pain, do not make it bigger. Last edited by ar81; 10-19-2009 at 11:51 PM.