[elliot]

I need to move out. I have tried to work around some basic obstacles while here but it seems my efforts have failed. I like my family and think they mean well, but at the same time...

1. My efforts at having even friends over have failed. Other than most of my friends not being around anyway, it turned into a huge thing about not wanting 'transient' people over. I really have only had friends come over twice in the last two years. I'm 26, that's pretty bad.

2. I have tried to work with my mom on this, but I think it's a wasted effort. She doesn't accept me being gay, doesn't want me to come out of the closet to people she knows / are in the neighborhood, worries too much about what other people think and doesn't want me to have company over. Then she disagrees with me meeting people online, out of fear one of them will be psycho. I actually got loud about it, for the people who know me this is something I rarely do. It pains me to yell at someone I love, especially when they are the only person I really can depend on other than myself. How long is this going to go on though

Seriously though, I still feel like I'm 16 even though I'm 26... Actually I know people who are younger than that who have friends come over. What happened to the idea of parents wanting to get to know who their kids are dating? Is it a double standard being that I'm not heterosexual? Perhaps I haven't had the kind of relationships you want me to have because I could never feel comfortable even having a normal platonic friend over without fear of being judged. I'm tired of living inside a box. Some days I want to sell everything I own, move out and just start over from scratch.