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Maybe it's just like jumping in the sea, it's kind of cold at first, and you get there gradually, but once you get your hips under the water, then it gets easier and easier to go further in the sea.. you know?
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I think it's a deep seated fear of rejection. If I try to initiate physical intimacy and she rejects it - then that's a rejection of me as a person and will ruin my chances with her. More on that later
Now to the completed goals:
- Attend poker night with a bunch of friends (1)
Done. Easy-peasy
- Go to the movies with a girl, I used to date (6) (changed from dinner)
Had a very nice time
She told me she's considering not dating for a while, since she feels it leads to a lot more bad experiences than good ones. Another friend of mine feels the same way - that it's easy to become cynical and just reject people from the start if they don't live up to the "gold standards" you've set up.. so she's put her online profile on standby. I can certainly see where they're coming from. There seems to be a lot of cynicism, games and rules associated with the whole process.
- Go on a second date with the girl, I'm dating (8)
Done - went on the date yesterday. We took a bike trip to the forest and went for a walk to the beach. Then we went back to the city, had dinner at a restaurant and a couple of beers at a pub.
I felt a real connection, so I decided to place my hand on her thigh during a conversation and we ended up holding hands. I tried kissing her as well, but got rejected. Normally, that would have been very hard for me to deal with, but she told me it just meant that she wasn't ready - not that it couldn't happen at a later point. She said she would feel most comfortable if we just relax and take things nice and slow. I actually feel the same way - but I was pretty determined not to end up in the "friend zone" and felt I had to make my intentions very clear - which I did
Actually, it taught me a valuable lesson. That is wasn't a rejection of me nor was it a sign that I haven't got any chances with her. We spent about 10 hours together and decided to get together again on Tuesday. I'll probably call and invite her over to make dinner together, since it's more private and intimate.
She gave me the whole "How many girlfriends have you had?", "How long have your relationships been?", "How long has it been since you last had a girlfriend?" routine. I really hate that part of dating, since I have almost no experience with relationships - and it's obvious that telling the truth (which I did) doesn't exactly improve my chances
Anyways - obviously, the most important goal now is:
- Go on a third date with the girl I'm dating (10)