hi
im new to this blog site
if you wanna call it that
id like to start it out by telling you all about myself a little
im 16 and for my personal saftey id like to be called monroe.
ive had a really rough child hood
and as a result im experiencing a really hard teenage life
i dont really know what is wrong with me and i really would like to figure it out
i tried therapy but it didnt do much
(sorry for the length... in advance)
where to start
i guess when i was sexually abused by my cousin
he was my best friend and he took advantage of it
i was 6
in 4th grade i met the most amazing boy in the world
he has kept me strong for so long
he just hasnt really known how bad it was
in the right now part of my life
im dating the boy i just mentioned and we are beyond love
we arent physical but i think that it will help in the long run.
i love the idea of my life
i just hate the life i live right now
now dont get me wrong there are ups
but mainly downs
and i just really want to understand what is wrong with me
[ill try to explain it but it might fail...epicly]
when im in school i sit in each class in a tensed state of silence just waiting for the bell to ring
and then i walk the halls feeling so beyond alone that i almost cry
and it repeats itself all 6 hours of my school day
when i get home and someone wants to hang out ussually i make up an excusse not to so i dont have to face people and deal with my life
when im around people i get socially awkward and i cant keep any conversation going
its like everything goes in one ear and out the other
litterally
or i just seem like im lost in space or not there at all
and im very very awkward with everyone
even my sisters
and my best friends
my boyfriend told me today that he was worried about me
and i asked why and then he told me that it seems like im spaced out all the time
or that i just dont want anything to do with him
and i knew that he knew that there was something much worse wrong then my day to day ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
that i always let get to me way more intensly then it should
and i dont want him to know
i just want it to go away
so i can stop crying all the time over something that i dont even know
so please help me
or just advice would be nice
[ps; i cant spell to save my life]