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Originally Posted by ssandra  If anybody has any suggestions on how to break the dependency and the panic feelings without breaking off contact.. please let me (us) know!! |
ssandra, my suggestions would probably be different depending on the details. one thing you might try is, when you are around him, act like he is a business associate instead of a family member. most of us have had to collaborate on a project with someone we weren't too crazy about. so you can draw from that experience. or, when you're around him, consciously create an emotional barrier - that only repels his energy. another idea - during meditation, ask to connect with his heart energy... feel the love emanating from it for everyone has a spark of love in their hearts or they could not exist. you might have to see past some wounding and some scars but it's there. once you connect with his love vibes during meditation, any time you're interacting with him in person, remind yourself of the love that is there and connect with that core love instead of with his ego self.
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Originally Posted by daisykjones first of all, i am so grateful to know that i am not alone. i have been struggling with my relationship with my father for years; the guilt i feel for the way i treat him is debilitating. i am 37 years old, cannot move past this point and am at a loss. i am paralyzed by the vision of being at his funeral, filled with guilt and regret and wishing i had done something different.
so what did he/does he do that makes me so ashamed of him, disgusted by his presence? here are the most prominent reasons:
1. he cheated on my mother, treated her pretty horribly during the course of their marriage; condescending, controlling, verbally abusive.
2. he's an alcoholic and has a sex addiction.
3. he takes frequent trips to thailand to indulge his sex addiction, a country that exploits children to support sexual tourism.
the bottom line is this; he's just not someone i can love. he's not someone i would choose to be associated with, if not for the fact that he's my father. i am angry; i feel short-changed.
i don't know what to do. |
daisy, your dad is in charge of his behavior, as well as any consequences from that behavior. humans do not really have the authority to judge other humans (even though i know humans judge a lot, we aren't really in a position to judge because we never have ALL the background info that influences the behavior of a person). besides, your father's actions are only a reflection on you if you allow them to be. you can decide to give him space to be who he chooses to be.
if your dad is an alcoholic and uses sex in a needy way, he has very very deep emotional wounds and he is either afraid to deal with them or he has bought into the idea from culture that men aren't supposed to show any weakness (really, owning our emotional wounds, looking at them and working through them takes great courage - far more courage than it takes to pretend we're ok when we're not). so if you can see that your dad does these things because he is in a whole lot of pain, you may be able to reach your compassion and extend that to him instead of your judgment.
@ lrose - if you're even still around, i hope the situation has gotten better for you. when i read that, my impression was that your father either behaved in an inappropriate way toward you or his witnessing is oppressive. my advice would vary depending on which of those is closer to the truth, and i won't go into it unless you respond so i know you're still visiting the forums.