[ar81]

Before I got married I did some research and I interviewed old people with long lasting marriages.

There was a 100 year old lady who told me:
-"When resentment gets in between, love dies. You should not let it to get between you". And she told stories about how she and her husband apologized to each other after they had a fight. They understood that things were said under emotional state, that were not meant to be said.
-"There are things that are bigger than you, so you need to gave God in your relationship". She is old and traditional christian. She was not trying to indoctrinate me, but this expression means something to her. I am still trying to understand the meaning of it. I knew that she lost a son, and they faced very tough situations where they "needed God" to find strength.

A man with 35 years of marriage told me:
"The secret for a big smile is to remind each other, every day, that they love each other, as if it was the first day".

I also read a book called "How to stay married" that is a compilation of cases from the Family Service Association of America (FSAA) and it mentions several issues that couples face. But for some reason the advise of those old people seem more appropriate than the advise of certified experts. Certifications do not bring the experience.

My experience tells me that things go right when:
-Both have a compatible life plan.
-Both try to allow personal growth of each other.
-Both try to improve the life of each other.
-Both follow the advise of those elder people.

My parents divorced. They are good people, but had poor communication, and resentment got in the middle. During my teen years I decided to be a rebel, and create my own role model, because their model was useless to me in terms of human interaction (they sucked at communicating).