first of all, i am so grateful to know that i am not alone. i have been struggling with my relationship with my father for years; the guilt i feel for the way i treat him is debilitating. i am 37 years old, cannot move past this point and am at a loss. i am paralyzed by the vision of being at his funeral, filled with guilt and regret and wishing i had done something different.
so what did he/does he do that makes me so ashamed of him, disgusted by his presence? here are the most prominent reasons:
1. he cheated on my mother, treated her pretty horribly during the course of their marriage; condescending, controlling, verbally abusive.
2. he's an alcoholic and has a sex addiction.
3. he takes frequent trips to thailand to indulge his sex addiction, a country that exploits children to support sexual tourism.
the bottom line is this; he's just not someone i can love. he's not someone i would choose to be associated with, if not for the fact that he's my father. i am angry; i feel short-changed.
i don't know what to do.
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