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Coffeesmurf · 10-14-2009, 01:58 PM

I read a lot of books on personal development and communication skills - Feel The Fear and do it Anyway, How to Win Friends and Influence People and a lot of stuff on body language for instance. Just be careful not to overdo the books - nothing beats getting out there and actually interacting and having conversations with people.

Some of the things, that have helped me:

Joining groups with the same interests as me (mountainbiking, kayaking etc)
Attending a "singles party" where I didn't know anyone
Attending a "normal" party, where I didn't know anyone
Dating girls I've met through online dating (11 dates in the last four months with five different girls)

The advantage with singles parties are that people are there specifically to meet other people, so they want to talk to you. Personally I used it more as a way to meet new people, not to find the love of my life

By the way - I'd be careful about labelling yourself as dull. I used to think of myself as introverted and boring, but it turned out those things were created mainly by my circumstances - not going out there and doing fun stuff and talking to everybody.

Progress can come very quickly, once you make a concious effort to improve your social skills! I had a date yesterday which lasted for five hours with non-stop relaxed conversation.. something that would have been unthinkable for me half a year ago without me being very anxious.

The main thing is to keep at it, even though you experience setbacks, which you undoubtedly will. To quote Michael Jordan:

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

Also - if you lose your two friends, you can find new ones.. trust me!

10-14-2009, 01:58 PM	#8 (permalink)
Coffeesmurf Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Denmark Posts: 304	I read a lot of books on personal development and communication skills - Feel The Fear and do it Anyway, How to Win Friends and Influence People and a lot of stuff on body language for instance. Just be careful not to overdo the books - nothing beats getting out there and actually interacting and having conversations with people. Some of the things, that have helped me: Joining groups with the same interests as me (mountainbiking, kayaking etc) Attending a "singles party" where I didn't know anyone Attending a "normal" party, where I didn't know anyone Dating girls I've met through online dating (11 dates in the last four months with five different girls) The advantage with singles parties are that people are there specifically to meet other people, so they want to talk to you. Personally I used it more as a way to meet new people, not to find the love of my life By the way - I'd be careful about labelling yourself as dull. I used to think of myself as introverted and boring, but it turned out those things were created mainly by my circumstances - not going out there and doing fun stuff and talking to everybody. Progress can come very quickly, once you make a concious effort to improve your social skills! I had a date yesterday which lasted for five hours with non-stop relaxed conversation.. something that would have been unthinkable for me half a year ago without me being very anxious. The main thing is to keep at it, even though you experience setbacks, which you undoubtedly will. To quote Michael Jordan: "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Also - if you lose your two friends, you can find new ones.. trust me! Last edited by Coffeesmurf; 10-14-2009 at 02:05 PM.