Only you can decide your quest. I think deep down you know that. You can find someone who can help to teach or motivate you on your path, but until you have chosen that path you won't know who to seek out.
It sounds to me like you need to accept where you are first before you will be able to move forward. Try repeating the mantra "I want to be happy" or "I want to feel good" whenever negative thoughts come into your head. Get your brain on your side.
You know your addictive behaviors are holding you back and you feel guilty. Release the guilt. Try the following steps to move past the behaviors that are limiting you:
(1) Observe. Notice when you are engaging in a negative behavior and make a mental note of that behavior. Try giving it a name.
(2) Forgive. Accept and love yourself anyways. Repeat the following phrase: "Everything I do is perfect and is exactly what was supposed to happen, as evidenced by the fact that it did happen. I act in my own best interest, therefore it was in my best interest to behave that way at that time. My behavior was part of the perfection of the universe, but so is my desire to change it."
(3) Pause. When you catch yourself before engaging in that behavior, pause for a moment and consciously decide if you want to behave in that manner.
(4) Transcend. Never "giving up" a behavior, simply "outgrowing" that old tired habit to make room for more beneficial patterns in your life.
Your life purpose, your unique challenge that will make it all worthwhile, is hiding in your heart. But your happiness doesn't hinge on finding it. Instead, if you find happiness first, your purpose will be revealed.
Good luck and keep us updated.
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