Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

august28 · 02-19-2007, 02:11 AM

Hello to everyone,

This is my first post to this forum, which I find very fascinating, by the way.

I just wanted to say something that might be profound but I believe plays a very important role in everybody's life.

Life is about choices. Either you choose consciously or unconsciously you live according to your choices. Now, I don't want to extend on the unconscious part, because I can't see how it is of use to me. However, I would like to express my take on choosing consciously (and, please, feel free to say your opinion and share your ideas on that matter).

So, I believe that a very useful tool when it comes to decisions is words -your lexicon. Depending on the variety of words and meanings you have collected throughout your life, you can formulate numerous thoughts about something. But how do you know that one thought is better than the other?

Well, this question I find easy to answer when it comes down to science. Regarding interpersonal relationships and personal growth issues, though, I found the above a pretty tough one.

They say that when presented with two (or more) options, listen to your heart to find which is the best one. That meaning, feel how would you feel when you would have demonstrated each of the options you "see" you have available and decide according to which feels best.

A second difficulty I come accross. It is hard to "imagine" how would I feel. And that's where NLP comes into play and let's me know how I use my senses to perceive the world, thus, showing me how I need to feed my brain with info to make it perceive it as real. Resulting in producing within me the feeling I would have; supposing I go through that particular experience.

The trick with all the above is that it is absolutely sure that you can't feel in a certain way unless you actually experience that feeling. And that is exactly the most difficult of the tasks. In which words do I describe the feeling that I get from a particular experience. That is the very reason that I put so much value in words.

I don't say that I have a hard time understanding words. And I am sure that this is not the case for most of the people out there. What I'm saying is that I have a great difficulty when I want to identify the way I feel and the way I would like to feel and describe it with words so that I am able to feed eat to my mind.

My problem, then, is that:
1. I can't seem to be able to find the proper
words to describe my feelings and
2. I can't imagine the way I would feel in a given
situation.

These two result in me being indecisive. And that issue comes up a lot during my communication with other people. For example, what should I be thinking when I am out with my friends? What is this that I should be going for? Or, what are the things that I should pay more attention when I communicate in general?

I believe that all what I am talking about is best summed up in the question:
How can I boost my charisma on communication with other people?

That is my question. I feel great when I play football because I know that I am good at it, and can see other people respecting me and thinking of me as cool. The same happens when I am at my English Scholl class where even my teacher finds me attractive because I am very good at English and take care of my looks. I can tell that girls have a nice time with me during the class and when I miss a lesson they miss me. But, that happens because I have a purpose when I am in these situations and understanding that purpose well makes me feel very comfortable around these situations.

However, when I am out of these, and some other specific situations, I don't have clarity as what is my purpose. I am fond of these people that create within you the idea that they are very interesting and you long for their company. I have created this in the past but I don't do it consciously. I want to get the hang of it. And I don't want be just a person who is a good company. I want to be the "cool" guy to whom you want to speak.

The problem is that this is too of an unclear goal. There is nothing countable in it. I can't have a clear idea of whether I am heading in the right direction or not. Hell, I can't even identify the possible directions.

That is all I had to say. I can see it was a little confusing to whoever spared the time to read it. But, as a conclusion, I need to say that I strongly believe that a person with charisma in social interactions and a clear goal and sense of achievement can do anything in life.

Thanks to everyone for hearing me out.

P.S. Despite the fact that this thread looks more as a monologue I would
appreciate any thoughts or advices.

02-19-2007, 02:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
august28 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 4	Life is about choices Hello to everyone, This is my first post to this forum, which I find very fascinating, by the way. I just wanted to say something that might be profound but I believe plays a very important role in everybody's life. Life is about choices. Either you choose consciously or unconsciously you live according to your choices. Now, I don't want to extend on the unconscious part, because I can't see how it is of use to me. However, I would like to express my take on choosing consciously (and, please, feel free to say your opinion and share your ideas on that matter). So, I believe that a very useful tool when it comes to decisions is words -your lexicon. Depending on the variety of words and meanings you have collected throughout your life, you can formulate numerous thoughts about something. But how do you know that one thought is better than the other? Well, this question I find easy to answer when it comes down to science. Regarding interpersonal relationships and personal growth issues, though, I found the above a pretty tough one. They say that when presented with two (or more) options, listen to your heart to find which is the best one. That meaning, feel how would you feel when you would have demonstrated each of the options you "see" you have available and decide according to which feels best. A second difficulty I come accross. It is hard to "imagine" how would I feel. And that's where NLP comes into play and let's me know how I use my senses to perceive the world, thus, showing me how I need to feed my brain with info to make it perceive it as real. Resulting in producing within me the feeling I would have; supposing I go through that particular experience. The trick with all the above is that it is absolutely sure that you can't feel in a certain way unless you actually experience that feeling. And that is exactly the most difficult of the tasks. In which words do I describe the feeling that I get from a particular experience. That is the very reason that I put so much value in words. I don't say that I have a hard time understanding words. And I am sure that this is not the case for most of the people out there. What I'm saying is that I have a great difficulty when I want to identify the way I feel and the way I would like to feel and describe it with words so that I am able to feed eat to my mind. My problem, then, is that: 1. I can't seem to be able to find the proper words to describe my feelings and 2. I can't imagine the way I would feel in a given situation. These two result in me being indecisive. And that issue comes up a lot during my communication with other people. For example, what should I be thinking when I am out with my friends? What is this that I should be going for? Or, what are the things that I should pay more attention when I communicate in general? I believe that all what I am talking about is best summed up in the question: How can I boost my charisma on communication with other people? That is my question. I feel great when I play football because I know that I am good at it, and can see other people respecting me and thinking of me as cool. The same happens when I am at my English Scholl class where even my teacher finds me attractive because I am very good at English and take care of my looks. I can tell that girls have a nice time with me during the class and when I miss a lesson they miss me. But, that happens because I have a purpose when I am in these situations and understanding that purpose well makes me feel very comfortable around these situations. However, when I am out of these, and some other specific situations, I don't have clarity as what is my purpose. I am fond of these people that create within you the idea that they are very interesting and you long for their company. I have created this in the past but I don't do it consciously. I want to get the hang of it. And I don't want be just a person who is a good company. I want to be the "cool" guy to whom you want to speak. The problem is that this is too of an unclear goal. There is nothing countable in it. I can't have a clear idea of whether I am heading in the right direction or not. Hell, I can't even identify the possible directions. That is all I had to say. I can see it was a little confusing to whoever spared the time to read it. But, as a conclusion, I need to say that I strongly believe that a person with charisma in social interactions and a clear goal and sense of achievement can do anything in life. Thanks to everyone for hearing me out. P.S. Despite the fact that this thread looks more as a monologue I would appreciate any thoughts or advices.