After reading many of the threads in this section of the forum, I decided that its time to polarize. The idea of being a lightworker or darkworker is a relatively new concept to me within the whole personal growth and development arena, but the benefits to aligning to either one, I believe, far outway the disadvantages to not. Choosing to polarize is a strong commitment to make and I've come to the conclusion that living as a darkworker is my path.
Arriving at this decision wasn't a very hard process for me to make, albeit a little surprising. My whole life I've lived according to values that are really very congruent with being a lightworker. I joined the Army with a strong sense of duty to serve my country and honor those who came before me, and to be a part of something greater where I could help make the world a better place. Even there, though, I felt as if I wasn't complete. When I was in positions of authority and had to maintain a command presence, I still felt, in a sense, subservient to my subordinates. I felt as if I had to win their approval to the point where it interfered with the job I was doing. I don't know if that stemmed from an innate sense to provide the best for those under my command, or whether it was a function of my own lifelong insecurity. Maybe it was a mixture of both. Fortunately, I was only a West Point cadet and wasn't required to make important decisions while the lives of those under me were at risk. The point is, even in a situation where a strong and authoritative presence was required, I was still unable to do so, and that has been the story of my entire life. I've always felt torn between doing what's best or right for me and doing what's best or right for others, mostly always choosing the latter even to my own detriment. Growing up I always felt like I was different and stood out from the crowd, and, probably because I felt that way, I had few friends and was socially awkward, always worried about how others thought of me and always trying to please. I'm done with that. Choosing the darkworker path is congruent with the changes I want to make and the experiences I want to have. I hope I haven't qualified myself too much, but it feels good to write it out and I welcome any comments from members of the forum.
Now to the meat and potatoes. This adventure of personal growth and development has taught me a lot over the past year or so. One of the most important things I've learned is that in order to make real change, you first must unconditionally accept and know who you are. If not, then its like trying to redesign and build a more efficient engine without first having the experience of being a mechanic. For me, this past year has finally provided me with that knowledge and acceptance through the good times and bad. The same thinking can be applied to the changes I want to see take place in my life. So, after doing some reading, I answered for myself some questions about what it means to be a darkworker so that I knew what I was getting myself in to. I'm posting those answers here so that I could get as much feedback as possible, and I appreciate any and all of it!
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My questions:
What does a darkworker do? A darkworker uses his energy and the energy of those around him solely for his own benefit. It is a very self-oriented path that focuses on advancing the darkworker's personal agenda. The goal is total control over every aspect of his life, even if that means pursuing and gaining it at the expense of others. What are the attributes of a darkworker? Polarizing to any one side is a very personal choice. It can be argued even more so as a darkworker, I believe, because it requires a total emotional release from the constructs of society and pursuing a life centered on personal benefit and gain, regardless of how others think or feel. It implies letting go of, at least internally, the conditions or restraints that society forces us to maintain, sometimes working within and using practices considered taboo. A darkworker may employ methods others might consider amoral, ruthless, or deceitful (to name a few) to succeed. Some of these methods can include seducing or employing power tactics over other individuals or entities. A darkworker, whether subtly or unsubtly, is always calculating the best move to put him in a position of control and will do whatever it takes to reach that end. How does living as a darkworker align with your goal of becoming enlightened? Anyone can become enlightened. You were born enlightened. Inside each and every one of us is a Buddha wanting to be released. Our spirits will live on after our earthly vessels have turned to dust, and those that choose a path of enlightenment during their lives will awaken upon death as servants to humanity. Choosing to polarize is to be among the few, and aligning with either side implies finding your own personal path to enlightenment - polarizing demands discipline and an unwavering commitment to what you want to achieve while fostering the development of untapped human potential. For me, that path means learning how to do many things such as working with energy flow, projecting power and dominance over weakness and insecurity, learning how to take advantage of the subtleties in the human psyche, and crafting my environment to my benefit. Every interaction can be used as a tool to increase my confidence and abilities. Complete freedom and control is the ultimate goal, having the ability to create and sustain my own reality. With that comes release and the relief of knowing that everything is in its right place.
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I feel that my answers to those questions sum up, as concisely as possible, what it means to be a darkworker. If I've missed the ball on anything I would love to know. I know that I've painted darkworkers in a bit of negative light, and its important to understand that being one does not necessarily require being inconsiderate, or bane, or any other trait upon which society tends to frown (it may require it at times, however) - it means acting with my own interests closest at heart. People can equate that however they want. I like to look at being a darkworker as being a member of the Renaissance court. To be a successful courtier meant being a man of many masks, constantly calculating and maneuvering to gain power, advantage, and favor to further his own means. Today, with the freedoms that many of us enjoy, the king's court is the reality we allow to manifest on the earthly stage.
This was very long-winded (almost done!) and I thank you for reading if you've made it this far. I don't expect this to be an easy process, I know I have a long way to go, but I intend to document my experiences in the forum. Writing this post was the most immediate step I could take to solidify my commitment, and having my own thoughts in writing help to reinforce the feelings that I have. I would love any advice or criticism, or anything else! Thanks
To be continued...