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Originally Posted by Strangemagik  I don't hold grudges and I will forgive him and surely this new found clarity on it will help. I'm closer to my mother but she had her own difficult childhood of alcoholic parents and foster homes.  I know she did the best she could. Her parents were no better at showing the loving role models. One thing my mom is a strong lady she combated alcoholism. My grandparents were amazing people and changed in time cleaned up. My mom and dad totally did the using us kids to get at each other. I've always heard the stories about how he cheated with my step mother. I have never mentioned the woman my ex ran off with in front of my daughter. And I do not speak negative words about her father to her. |
When people abandon others, they are repeating a pattern they learned. My bet is your dad did not have a loving model, and of course, the resentment you feel is an extension of your mother frustration. But every story has two sides. My bet is that your dad is not very smart emotionally.
If he cheated, he was lying to himself, because life is like a theatrical play. Some day he will be in the other roles of the same play. Cheating is to engage in a game, and he may not like to be in the other roles. But that's his problem, not yours.
Your problem is that the one who hates is the one who suffers. And forgiving is the only medicine for hate. hate is a sadness that had to be buried, and it went rotten, and when you take it out to clean yourself (like puking a toxic food) you feel overwhelmed.
So be sure that if you ever feel overwhelmed, it is just emotional puking, but it is not the same reality of the past, just a memory that is being cleaned before your eyes.
Now you may wonder how not to hurt yourself when puking rotten emotions and cleaning up your inner being. The trick is not to do anything, not to react, just feel, while you have certainty that the only real reality is the happy one. So it is like living a sad virtual reality that will pass. And when you feel overwhelmed you wonder when it will end and you may try to fight the negative feelings. Do not fight them, just experience them. The end of those feelings come with boredom.
Have you ever been really bored? Well that's the feeling you feel when you think you had enough with the current overwhelming sadness you feel. And when you feel bored of being sad, the only other option is to be happy.