Speedbump,
Thanks you for the suggestion I will go read into this tonight. I have seen it around here and was curious anyway.
ar81,
WOW! Thank you for taking the time to respond in detail. Yes you struck a lot of chords with me. I have forgiven my mother and feel I've kept the "blame" in my father all these years but hidden. I'm not a judging person which is weird and I think I hid it all these years. I don't hold grudges and I will forgive him and surely this new found clarity on it will help. I'm closer to my mother but she had her own difficult childhood of alcoholic parents and foster homes.
I know she did the best she could. Her parents were no better at showing the loving role models. One thing my mom is a strong lady she combated alcoholism. My grandparents were amazing people and changed in time cleaned up. My mom and dad totally did the using us kids to get at each other. I've always heard the stories about how he cheated with my step mother. I have never mentioned the woman my ex ran off with in front of my daughter. And I do not speak negative words about her father to her.
G,
Wow never thought about it that way that I'm giving up my own power and in a sense abandoning myself. Hmmm I'll be reading and if I have any questions I may just take you up on your offer. I think this path could lead me to wonderful places.