ar81,
Thanks for your kind words. You are 100% right I'm taking my life back. I'm sure I wasn't the only person forced to make such a huge decision at age 4, to stay with dad or get in the car with mom. And I know I'm not the only one to have this past. Believe me I know it. But it is the PAST and I am glad that at the age of approaching 30 I can finally face this hole inside me and heal it. Its not them, nobody is at fault. This is my reality an I make it what I have chose, whether by decisions or by one handed to me because I refused to decide. But I can look at the decision I had that day 25+ years ago and say it caused me a lifetime of indecision. Questioning was it right, how different my life would be made it hard to make any decisions in my life. But seeing the true colors of my father and this woman he chose, I doubt it would have been any different outcome had I chose different. Surely knowing the end is the same may not make me any more quick to make decisions but I can place the power back with myself. Or out power the negative forces inside myself at least.
I'm so glad I didn't give my daughter a choice in where she wanted to go but I hope that she is not ruined by me. I show her more love than either of my parents ever showed me and she tells me on her own unprovoked will that she wants to be with me forever. AWWW Its sad to say that I have only heard my dad say those 3 words to me once and I can't really remember my mom ever saying it but I'm sure it happened when I was younger. I tell my daughter as often as I can.