I received a tremendous amount of love and support from the group as a whole and from an amazing number of individuals, both before and after my stage appearance. I was unprepared to have my long-standing issue of low self-worth so easily discerned by the group. If you had asked me on the 1st day of the workshop how I felt I would have answered that I was happier than I have been in a very long time. I truly thought I had processed my disappointment and shame related to my bankruptcy. But my genuine self knew better and took pretty drastic steps to force me onto the stage and allow me to have that experience. The rest of day 2 went by without my complete presence and I retreated to my comfort zone with my husband as soon as possible after 5 that night. I went to bed early and woke up around midnight.
I started implementing some of the suggestions I had received regarding opening myself up to receive from the universe. I looked for my truths regarding my shame and started to feel fine about the bankruptcy. What started coming up after that was another all-too familiar shame related to my physical body. But that lead to something new-a conscious awareness of how I had been afraid of my own power to be great. Keep yourself locked on shame and see how little power is left over to engage yourself to try something new.
Steve had challenged me on the stage to state that I was awesome. I really couldn't do it with any conviction. By the 3rd day I was feeling awesome and was able to communicate that effectively to a few others. Of course I need to ensure that my great feeling survives the end of the workshop and I am already seeking out new people in Sacramento to form a support network. At the workshop, Jason suggested I join or form a support group for entrepreneurs that have gone bk. How great is that?
I've been writing this post on and off during the course of my day. The thread has gotten a little off topic with the discussion of the dvd prices. But an interesting point for me is how many people are posting that I know I met personally and were so supportive of me. (Jesse I had no idea you were a darkworker- your energy felt unusual to me, but not dark.) It was easy to connect with almost everyone I met and Shauna's description of the drink of fresh water is accurate, only in my case it was more like drinking from the fountain. I did have a little fear that it would be cold and lonely back in my real life but the thought that came a millisecond later told me that would only be true if I allowed it to happen. And it hasn't even been close to true.
A belief I adopted before the workshop is that things change immediately in the non-physical world and that there is sometimes a lag before the physical world reflects the change. My inner world is different for having met Steve, Erin, and everyone else I had the opportunity to meet, whether individually or as the group. I am excited to see how my outer world changes to catch up.
Angela, Legendary Member, this post is for you. I would have probably procrastinated about writing if you hadn't been so opening excited to hear what happened. I started writing about 1130 this morning to offer you an answer. Fortunately other attendees answered much sooner.
P.S. Shawn, I love the iceberg analogy. Good for you.
Last edited by Alexandra L; 10-07-2009 at 12:17 AM.
Reason: misspelled name