[itsmeddc]

Just like to share some experiences I had a number of years ago that has had a profound impact on my life. I will preface the story with the fact that it did involve drugs and I know this casts a large shadow of skepticism on things, but bear with me anyways. I'll try and describe the experience to the best of my recollections; I don't expect anyone to take it for anything other than a psychotic break being the circumstance, but maybe there is someone who knows something more about these things that could shed some light on what may have happened, etc.

Sorry this is very long, the whole story makes more sense than the few experiences by themselves.

During the years of 2002 to 2004 or so, my college friends and I had been using a drug called Dextromethorphan HBr (DXM) in it's pure powder form. At high doses, DXM acts as a strong dissociative and hallucinogen. These traits make for a very mind opening experience, closer to the stream of consciousness brought on by LSD or Psylocybin (mushrooms) than the stoned euphoria of marijuana. My friends and I considered ourselves rather experienced with psychedelics and saw DXM as a new way to journey down the rabbit hole to view the world through a different shaded looking glass, rather than a cheap high. We would usually dose late at night and wander out in the neighborhood and have conversations on the different insights we would have on any and all topics. Many times we would notice strange sychnronicities and other wink's of the universe and share them with eachother only to find out that everyone else noticed it and it seemed odd to them, but we always just dismissed it as we had ingested a psychoactive drug. Often I would find myself with a song stuck in my head that I haven't heard for a long while and don't even like, then one of my friends would start humming the same song, sometimes the exact part that was stuck in my head.

One particularly strange time, we (there were three of us) were walking through a park at about 4 in the morning, coming down from a nice but rather uninteresting trip. The conversation we had been having had died down and we were walking in silence, thinking to ourselves. After a few moments of silence I began hearing the notes of some classical music. At first I didn't think much about it as it was very faint, and I had figured it was coming from a speaker somewhere. Only when it started increasing in intensity did I really take notice. What I heard was the most beautiful piece of music. Very lush stringed orchestration, no percussion or anything just the sound of violins, cellos, harps, etc. Only when I asked my friends "where in the world is that music coming from?" did I realize what is going on. "What music?" they replied. "That classical music that's playing... I don't know why there's classical music playing at 4 in the morning but it's amazing!" They both stared at me with furrowed eyebrows and one said "...Dude, there is no music playing anywhere around here. It's all in your head." At first I didn't believe them but upon focusing closer, I realized this to be true. My first thought was that I was going crazy; this was the first time I had ever heard music in my head so clearly and furthermore, I seemed to be composing it! I would think of an instrument and all of the sudden it would make it's entrance into the mix. I sat down in a chair* away from my friends, determined to see where this was going. Soon I had an entire symphony going on, complete with woodwinds, horns, percussion and choral vocals. My thoughts at the time were not on how insane I must be to be to be 'conducting' an entire orchestra in my head, but on how divine the music sounded and how I could somehow record what I was hearing for someone, anyone else to hear. After about 15 minutes of this, I stood up to go join my friends who were on the other side of the park having a conversation at a picnic table. The music gradually became subdued- only a single violin playing a very somber piece but by itself I was able to really see how this was working. I thought joyful thoughts and the tone of the music turned quickly to a energetic jig, the notes seeming to spring from my subconscious right to my 'mind's ear' or whatever would be percieving this. As I walked over to my friends, the music gradually dimmed down until there was silence again. I tried to think of what I could tell my friends, but ultimately I decided not to. They probably thought it was crazy enough that I was hearing music that wasn't there. There was no need to bring it up further being that I knew no one could explain it beyond the DXM. Even if it was just the DXM having a lingering effect ,(I had been 'down' or baseline for a few hours) what an amazing effect it was! I had never experienced anything so profound in past and it left me feeling euphoric (not a side effect of the drug, but a feeling of joy in existence.) Not until about a year later did I have another experience that way.

It was June 14th, 2003. The semester had just ended and I was at my friend's place. We had decided that it was a good night to head out and have a good high level (3rd-4th plateau as they are refered to) trip. I was a bit nervous as for whatever reason, the last couple trip had affected me different than normal. I had intensely uncomfortable jitters for a few hours of the trip, and I was worried this one would be no different. Deviating from the plan, I decided to have a very low dose trip, and enjoy the conversation from the outside of my two friends high dose trip. This was a common thing as oftentimes enjoyed watching the trip from a (more or less) normal state of mind to see how it differed. This night was not to give me that opportunity. After we had dosed, we wandered out to the backyard to talk and listen to music while the drug kicked in. This was more for my friends benefit than mine, as my dose was similar in strength to having a couple beers. About 45 minutes in, I began to feel a familiar feeling in my stomach, almost a flighty feeling with jolts of nervousness running through me. I braced myself for the debilitating jitters and nervous tics that had plagued my last trips, all the while wondering why this was happening with such a low dose. I told my friends of this and we decided it would be best to smoke some marijuana to calm my body down. I did, but to no avail. For the next 30 minutes I had the worst feeling ever going through my body. It was like I couldn't move, but I couldn't sit still. I tried all sorts of techniques to calm my body down but nothing worked. I laid down on the grass and told my friends to wait it out with me. They were in a hurry to head out but due to my obvious discomfort, they stayed by me and listened to music on the stereo. As I laid there, all I could think about was a way to get it to stop. My body felt like it was full of so much energy that the slightest twitch of my finger led to the movement of my entire limb. While I was laying there I was overcome with this thought of energy trapped inside me. Where was this energy coming from, and more importantly, how could I get rid of it? Gradually I began to breath deeply and focus on the feeling. It felt as if lightning was pulsing through my body. As I focused more and more, the energy seemed to shift from my legs and arms to my chest, where it seemed to pool causing me to worry. I thought I may be having a heart attack or some other problem. All my thoughts focused on getting the feeling out of my chest once again. For reasons unknown, the feeling slowly started chaning to a hot pressure or weight on my chest. As I thought as to what that could mean physiologically, something strange happened. I began to imagine this burning pressure in my chest not as burning pressure in my chest but as a hot aura of energy around me. No idea why.. it just made sense at the time. For reasons unknown, this seemed to work. The convulsing stopped, and I felt a calm throughout my entire body, save what felt like a radiant aura of heat/energy around my body. Soon I was able to stand and I was amazed by the feeling. I had never felt better in my life! I felt like I could run for miles. I didn't understand what had just happened, but I was very eager to leave the backyard. I motioned to my friends that I was doing fine and that we could leave. This was the beginning of the strangest night of my life.