[Angela]

You have a lot more choice than to just avoid or resist "negative" people -- in fact, I think that's very wimpy and ineffective as a way of life, although it can be a very helpful short-term tool when you're feeling a lack of inner resource for making another, more powerful and effective choice.

Avoiding and resisting cost you a lot -- it takes a lot of psychic energy to avoid and resist someone, and as it is a focus on what you don't want, it also tends to have the effect of attracting more "negative" people to avoid and resist. It's a downward spiral, in other words. As long as your modus operandi is avoiding and resisting, there will be plenty of people in your reality who qualify as people to be avoided and resisted.

If I were in your position, I would be more interested in developing personal power, and it looks to me like that's what you are interested in. Developing personal power gives you access to actually transforming "negative" people into something that works better for you.

You'd have to use your own creative problem solving to develop personal power, but I'd start by looking for the opportunity each "group" presents. For instance, the "whiners" might present you with the opportunity to practice full self-possession. No one can *really get to* you without your permission; you might want to practice not accepting their stinky sneakers (a nice metaphor Rose of Cairo introduced here), but rather, practice being in charge of your own state. Additionally, you can practice your own communication skills with these people and powerfully develop the ability to make a positive difference. Cheering complaining people up doesn't tend to make a positive difference, by the way -- it just sounds to them like you're making them wrong, so of course they'd argue back. Can you think of some questions you might want to ask a "whiner" that might lead them to an alternative perspective without making them wrong?

As for the "pickers" (I sometimes call them "mismatchers"), the first thing I'd do is disconnect the mechanisms that "push my buttons", so that their barbs don't get me all reactivated. Once those buttons are dismantled, they might as well be telling you you've got a large giraffe growing out of the top your head -- you'll just shrug it off and know it doesn't mean anything about you, it's their own gunk showing up and there's no need for you to feel bothered by it.

At that point, free of reactivation, you have all the choice in the world about how to deal with it diplomatically -- by asking questions, directly letting them know how their remarks are landing, and by learning to understand THEIR mechanisms -- when you start understanding how OTHER people's old pain gets reactivated and has them lashing out at the world, you are on the road to having real personal power -- compassion, influence, and skill in feeling really good and making a positive difference.

And interestingly, as you develop that kind of personal power, more like-minded, "positive" people will be drawn into your orbit, and you won't even notice "negative" people anymore!