The issue you're dealing with is unconscious. IMO this won't be solved through conscious thought.
This may sound like odd advice but I think the best way to solve your issue is short, daily meditation. Find somewhere silent and comfortable, sit or lie still, calm your mind, and focus your attention on your breathing. I'm talking about like 10 minutes of it, just whenever you want.
If you're about to go meet someone, do it before you go see them. You might be surprised how effective meditation is in dealing with unconscious issues of exactly this variety.
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