Ellie, James81, and cacheborn...
Thank you for your heart-felt replies to my situation.
I have tried to find my inner-self but as you all say, it seems to be hidden or lost with my failures or upbringing/programming as a child.
A couple of weeks ago I came to the conclusion that when a person reaches adulthood, especially when they are hitting '30', then it will be extremely difficult to change thoughts, habits, mannerisms that have been programmed into them as children.
I thought no matter what sort of training I do that deep within my mind, those same behaviors will come out and stop me in my tracks. I thought it was like this... As an example, I've been training to lead, yet I could follow all the rules in the book about leadership and how to deal with subordinates, yet when push comes to shove, when the multi-million dollar question is asked - which could be relating to an obstacle or disagreement with said subordinate, then deep within me I won't be able to use those skills and revert to my basic instincts which would be my thoughts, habits, behaviors, and mannerisms, that I've grown up with throughout the years.
Ellie, I'm exactly the same with my said 'maths' skills. I've never had time to acquire them as I was never interested in it yet for myself I find it sometimes unnerving when someone prompts me with a basic calculation which I can't answer.
James81, quite an inspirational quote I must say. How could one re-program themselves to start fresh or feel like they are reborn? Some of my friends have had the opportunities to excel in certain areas and I believe it was to them dedicating themselves to those areas or that they had the confidence to do it. So how can I do away with all this bad programming / belief structure in my head? Should I try and write down each bad belief that comes to mind so I can start noticing all of my negative beliefs?
cacheborn, I'll try my best! I feel like I've lost my way and I'm stuck in an endless maze in trying to get out of it and back on the 'yellow brick road'. Would constantly thinking of positive thoughts allow me to find my inner purpose? I've always enjoying the interactions with people in my role and previous roles and I do enjoy helping people out with their problems (in regards to my profession) yet I do generally enjoy doing those things. When I was younger, I would always go out of my way to meet up with a friend, (even if it brought inconvenience to my family) just to have a chat and have that 'Earthly' interaction with the world.
Ellie, that's exactly how I feel at the moment when reading your post. I can't seem to vocalize what I'm feeling or what I want. How did you find your true purpose (when you felt the way you did) and how did you know it was what you wanted? In answer to your questions, that's yes for the first and leaving-towards-yes for the second. I've always hated the bureaucracy or the person-handling of employees when dealing with specific issues. What would institute those tenancies so I can answer the second questions better as I don't believe it's stress - well I hope not.
SG.
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