Isis,
You are an obviously intelligent, compassionate, wonderful woman. You're a great writer too -- I really like your blog!
What you need to do is take care of yourself. You're being too hard on yourself, trying to make yourself happy in an environment that obviously isn't for you. Some places give us power; other places take that power away. I found that out when my boyfriend and I made the long-anticipated move from Reno to San Francisco, somewhere he's always wanted to live! We were a 15 minute walk away from work, had a full panoramic view of the Golden Gate, had the best sushi, Indian and Greek food all within three blocks of us. It was a dream come true. But...
He was miserable.
We spent two years there as he finished school. Those two years nearly broke his spirit. You know what started him on the road to recovery?
Deciding to move back to Reno.
As soon as he made that decision, things started to get better. Then we moved, and within three months, he lost 30 lbs of depression weight, reconnected with his friends and family, went from jobless to making $50K a year, and started wearing dockers and sweaters instead of sweatpants and hoodies.
What you're doing for your family is a wonderful and amazing thing, but if the place that you're in isn't conducive to your energy, you need to leave. This is for your own emotional & spiritual wellbeing, as well as your own financial wellbeing -- because you're self-employed, you can't lose all motivation and still make money by showing up at the office for 8 hours a day.
And, you'll save disappointment to devoted readers of your blog, who will miss you if you lose the drive to keep writing.
Hugs to you!