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Originally Posted by Bitsy  Can you tell me how to do this? |
It gets a little bit trickier for others, but the concept is the same.
Instead of asking "why is this person doing this", I prefer to ask "why is this in my awareness?". What you are aware of is a validation/manifestation of what your beliefs are...
Sometimes things happen not because you intended them per se, but just so that a belief can manifest. For example, if you believe that "you are a strong person", things work out such that you can experience that strength. However, you can't experience strength unless you experience weakness first. "Experiencing weakness" would be labeled "bad" or "unfortunate", but strength can be experienced only when weakness is around to compare to it.
Therefore, no matter what happens, instead of looking for something or someone to blame, just examine your beliefs, weed out the ones that would give fuel to the fire, and then wait it out. The beliefs inside you and the outside experience will eventually balance out and you will see that in the end you've grown in the process. In fact, the "unfortunate" things happen just so you can weed out some more beliefs that are not working for you. They raise your awareness when they are not congruent with your expectations.
So to answer your question... Whether you are causing the situation for someone else intentionally or not, the best thing to do is to try to figure out if you have any beliefs that would prolong the situation for them and try to change on the inside. This holds for situations happening directly to you, or to someone else within your awareness. While you are working on your own beliefs on the inside, you could help the person/situation on the outside as well if you can. That would speed up the cleansing process.
What you can't do is change others by forcing them to see your point of view. If someone needs help, and they know they need help, great. If they need help but don't know it, you could try bringing it to their attention that they might be in need of help. If they acknowledge it, great. If not, forcing will only make things worse. The best time to help people is when they are actually looking for help. The door to helping someone can only be opened from the inside. Don't forget that it might be you who needs help anyway.
A very simple example: You have a friend who smokes. We all know smoking is terrible for your health. The first thing is, do you care much about your own health? It doesn't even matter whether you smoke or not. If all is well within you, you could try raising your friend's awareness if she isn't aware that smoking is terrible. Does she want help? Is she ignoring your advice? How open are you to others' advice? Do you ignore them easily without even giving it a thought? What addictions might you have that you can't just shake off? etc.. etc..
I think you get the point. It is not always a one-to-one thing. Someone smoking is a health issue and an addiction issue. Since it is not happening to you directly (you are not smoking), it might be a different kind of health/addiction issue for you. You'll need to do some thinking as to how things are related to your beliefs.
How about the rest of the planet? Millions of people smoke, right? Let's say you don't have any friends who smoke, but you know many others smoke on the planet. Now this is a 3rd-hand experience (it's not you, you don't see it around you, but it is happening elsewhere). It is very indirect, but it is there. You could hold the intention that all beings known or unknown to you be liberated from their addictions... If you believe this is possible, it will come to be and you'd be helping out at a much more global scale. In addition, you can help organizations that are trying to make this a reality. Now your actions and your beliefs are aligned.
This is just a recipe. Every situation is unique. So is every person. I hope I could explain the gist of it to you clearly so that you can examine things for yourself and chart a map.