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rei · 09-19-2009, 12:18 AM

in my experience, all of the traditional comments about death (gone to a better place, it was just her time, etc.) aren't very helpful. even preparing for it doesn't take away the pain BUT most folks think it is still better to be able to prepare emotionally.

my father died unexpectedly when i was eight, and i was numb for about a year. i like to think it would be less painful if i could have braced myself, as you are able to, but the fact is it is still painful because we are emotionally attached to that person. and death is a sudden severing of that attachment, so yes it is painful if we feel close to that person.

some of the spiritual teachings about attachment might be helpful, but i'm not so sure they would be. they can even feel insulting, like disrespectful to the bond that is obviously there.

so, preparing emotionally is very helpful. seems you've made that decision by posting here. trying to face it as much as you can, takes a lot of courage and strength, but usually results in a healthier pattern of grieving.

be gentle with yourself. recognize it is normal to go through the gamut of emotions. it is even normal to have a paranormal experience (so, if it happens, it doesn't mean you're crazy). recognize there is no wrong way to grieve, so honor what works for you. it helps to eat healthy foods at regular times, and mild exercise helps as well. get plenty of sleep, sleep extra if you are able and feeling tired. be prepared for family members to act unlike themselves as it is a big adjustment for them as well. if you feel there is any unfinished business with her, try and resolve it.

i've had loss in my own life, and this past summer i took a graduate class on grief as part of my work toward a counseling degree. so if you want someone to talk to about any aspect of what you experience, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me.

i hope nothing i have said came across as harsh or in any way offensive. if you have any questions about things i have said please ask them. i want to commend you for reaching out to others, to help you through this.

09-19-2009, 12:18 AM	#3 (permalink)
rei Family Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: earth, everywhere and nowhere Posts: 9,713	in my experience, all of the traditional comments about death (gone to a better place, it was just her time, etc.) aren't very helpful. even preparing for it doesn't take away the pain BUT most folks think it is still better to be able to prepare emotionally. my father died unexpectedly when i was eight, and i was numb for about a year. i like to think it would be less painful if i could have braced myself, as you are able to, but the fact is it is still painful because we are emotionally attached to that person. and death is a sudden severing of that attachment, so yes it is painful if we feel close to that person. some of the spiritual teachings about attachment might be helpful, but i'm not so sure they would be. they can even feel insulting, like disrespectful to the bond that is obviously there. so, preparing emotionally is very helpful. seems you've made that decision by posting here. trying to face it as much as you can, takes a lot of courage and strength, but usually results in a healthier pattern of grieving. be gentle with yourself. recognize it is normal to go through the gamut of emotions. it is even normal to have a paranormal experience (so, if it happens, it doesn't mean you're crazy). recognize there is no wrong way to grieve, so honor what works for you. it helps to eat healthy foods at regular times, and mild exercise helps as well. get plenty of sleep, sleep extra if you are able and feeling tired. be prepared for family members to act unlike themselves as it is a big adjustment for them as well. if you feel there is any unfinished business with her, try and resolve it. i've had loss in my own life, and this past summer i took a graduate class on grief as part of my work toward a counseling degree. so if you want someone to talk to about any aspect of what you experience, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me. i hope nothing i have said came across as harsh or in any way offensive. if you have any questions about things i have said please ask them. i want to commend you for reaching out to others, to help you through this.