[cylon]

I'm on fixed income right now, courtesy of the government's "extended vacation" program, no I don't expect to stay this way.

I was on the "oh my god I hate my job and want to kill myself" fixed income plan for over seven years, which ended several months ago.

Some of the benefits I experienced from that fixed income plan were depression, an inability to connect to others, and inability to think of anything OTHER than my job. During the weekend, I would think about how much I hated my job, and at my job, I would think of how much I wanted to go home.

Probably the biggest benefit I received was burn-out. It has taken me several months to detox, and actually allow myself to contemplate a future that does not include that habitual nightmare of a job---I finally accept all those people are gone, and I never have to see them again, and that my future is actually in my own hands.

I accept that I stayed in a bad job and that I had the power to change it, and I didn't until that change was made for me. I want to live my life and embrace wealth, but part of me knows if I "get a job" again, I could very well lose myself and go over the deep end again. I try to take action to get things going, but my gut says "no-stop. Don't do it." Like if you were going to put your hand in a fire and your reflexes stop you, that's how I feel about employment.

When I read this article, I felt good that I had my freedom, and that I can now choose how much money I made. But I also felt this big feeling of dread, like "I don't want to do this again.... I don't want to get in the rat race again.... I can't take it." I think I really would rather die than work for someone else again. And I haven't had this feeling of independence and power that long, I'm not used to applying it to the world of money.

But, it may be necessary for a short time... I don't know. But this idea of a fixed income does bother me, whether it's an unemployment check or a go-nowhere job.

Has Steve written any articles about burnout? I find myself unable to take action towards employment at this time, and probably for reasons that are illusory.