ZenFender,
As a child we need to seek approval. If people don't get approval/validation/acceptance as a child they die, simply. As adults however, we need to validate ourselves. It should be noted that very, very few do.
You recognise that it's holding you back, so congratulations on that for a start.
The "problem" as I see it is that you are trying to get away from this behaviour, rather that reaching some new paradigm or behaviour. Since all you're doing is focusing on what you don't want, that's directing your behaviour and beliefs.
So what do you want? Based on what you wrote you want:
A sense of acceptance/validation/assurance/approval. (pick whatever words resonate best with you)
Your inner self to shine through
To feel connected with people.
So start focusing on those three things. These are of course my interpretations and you should adapt them to suit you.
Simple affirmations to aid you focusing on it:
"I am self assured."
"I feel validated."
"I'm self validated."
"I'm connected to people"
"I let my inner self shine through."
"My inner self shines through"
"People like me"
"People like me for who I am."
Lots of love,
Colm
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