Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

JHL · 02-14-2007, 08:26 AM

Hi guys, thanks very much for your replies. They were all very helpful and got me thinking...

@ Acting: thanks for your post, I think starting out with understanding my personality make-up is a great departure point. I think I really do need to get to know myself better and undertand what makes me tick. I would say my fundamental problem is that I'm not really in touch with myself. I 'feel' but I'm not really in touch with my feelings, they seem seperate from me and as a result nothing really motivates me. I think in my youth I created a rational bunker to shield myself from a reality I perceived to be very threatening. I'm probably digressing, but I suspect the techniques you mention may help me to chip away at my mental defenses and reach the person inside. Thanks again for your input.

@ Shaden

Well thats a good idea - in fact if you see what I wrote above, I consider the process of self-discovery and enormously exciting one. For me, finding myself, acepting and being happy with myself will be the greatest state of being I can imagine.

@ Rene

Thanks for sharing your story Rene, I'm glad that you can relate! I'm also 34, btw. And well done for overcoming a hurdle I'm still trying to clamber over. The questions you raise about "If you could do anything..." I've always found interesting. And, to be sure, its not hard for me to answer them. I know exactly what I would want to be doing. The problem is I have a somewhat skeptical (& fatalistic/negative) mind, so when I contemplate my dream, I have a hard time accepting that it can be anything other than a dream - even though its nothing unrealistic at all!

I think I have some underlying beliefs about life that I need to explore. I grew up perceiving the world to be a dangerous place. My father left when I was 7 and his replacement used to have daily shouting and screaming matches with my mother, which used to terrify me. I created mental defences. I began to colour my perceptions with a poor me "some you win, but most you lose" victim type mentality.

As I matured I eventually discarded the poor me attitude and empowered myself. However I have not been able to shake the underlying feeling/belief that the world is out to get me. That disaster is just around the corner. As you might imagine, its therefore hard to plan ahead and remain positive when you think that whatever you do is ultimately going to end very badly.

Its not easy for me to write about myself in all my wounded grandeur. I much prefer to play the wise-aleck smartass role (probably another defense). But I'm doing it because I sense that I need help with it, and other people's feedback can bring the type of objectivity or insight that I'm so far failed to produce myself.

So thank you all againg for your thoughts, I really appreciate it.

02-14-2007, 08:26 AM	#6 (permalink)
JHL Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 258	Hi guys, thanks very much for your replies. They were all very helpful and got me thinking... @ Acting: thanks for your post, I think starting out with understanding my personality make-up is a great departure point. I think I really do need to get to know myself better and undertand what makes me tick. I would say my fundamental problem is that I'm not really in touch with myself. I 'feel' but I'm not really in touch with my feelings, they seem seperate from me and as a result nothing really motivates me. I think in my youth I created a rational bunker to shield myself from a reality I perceived to be very threatening. I'm probably digressing, but I suspect the techniques you mention may help me to chip away at my mental defenses and reach the person inside. Thanks again for your input. @ Shaden Well thats a good idea - in fact if you see what I wrote above, I consider the process of self-discovery and enormously exciting one. For me, finding myself, acepting and being happy with myself will be the greatest state of being I can imagine. @ Rene Thanks for sharing your story Rene, I'm glad that you can relate! I'm also 34, btw. And well done for overcoming a hurdle I'm still trying to clamber over. The questions you raise about "If you could do anything..." I've always found interesting. And, to be sure, its not hard for me to answer them. I know exactly what I would want to be doing. The problem is I have a somewhat skeptical (& fatalistic/negative) mind, so when I contemplate my dream, I have a hard time accepting that it can be anything other than a dream - even though its nothing unrealistic at all! I think I have some underlying beliefs about life that I need to explore. I grew up perceiving the world to be a dangerous place. My father left when I was 7 and his replacement used to have daily shouting and screaming matches with my mother, which used to terrify me. I created mental defences. I began to colour my perceptions with a poor me "some you win, but most you lose" victim type mentality. As I matured I eventually discarded the poor me attitude and empowered myself. However I have not been able to shake the underlying feeling/belief that the world is out to get me. That disaster is just around the corner. As you might imagine, its therefore hard to plan ahead and remain positive when you think that whatever you do is ultimately going to end very badly. Its not easy for me to write about myself in all my wounded grandeur. I much prefer to play the wise-aleck smartass role (probably another defense). But I'm doing it because I sense that I need help with it, and other people's feedback can bring the type of objectivity or insight that I'm so far failed to produce myself. So thank you all againg for your thoughts, I really appreciate it.