What the... I never described myself as authentic... but now that I think about it, I'm becoming less fake and more genuine. Oh well. Still, if my survival is threatened, I think I'll throw this quality away.
Anyway, thanks for the reply.
Figuring out your passion, huh... the thing is, I am what you might call a dilettante.
For example from my own life, when I started learning physics (modern physics to be more specific), I learn about all those Maxwell equation, relativity and other. Believe me, these topics I studied wasn't in my test or exams. I was interested by Einstein's Relativity, worked my way backward and somehow learned electromagnetism.
After that, I was interested in electricity (my major right now). Then, I discovered electronics and all the wonderful LEDs, diodes and such. I learned about semiconductor. I learned how semiconductor worked and how they are made, before I know it, I was learning chemistry and doing electrolysis experiments (easy to make in your room. An extremely remarkable experiment. Can't believe electricity can even do that.)
Then discovered digital electronics. I got curious how sounds and pictures can be converted to digital, so I learned electrical communication...
On the side, I also learn art, drawing from life and such. I'm learning composition and human anatomies right now. But I can see in the long run, I'll be learning architecture and biology... and then back to chemistry...
Did I mention that I also seriously devouring materials to be an entrepreneur? That was in my 2nd year... I got caught up to the idea that I need to make lots and lots of money and survival... yeah, that dream was shattered. At least I learned statistics and accounting. Students's t- distribution have a fascinating story behind it.
Busy life, busy life... I got 2.99 last semester, but I don't think I care much. But now, I'm planning to get a Master's Degree in... ... ... (my god! Why can't they make a course to learn everything!! I have this same trouble when applying for a course in university.)
I can go on and on... the thing is, when I learned one thing, I discovered it overlaps on other knowledge. Then I quickly move on to it. This cost me lots of time obviously, some social problems as well, and money (especially when doing my own electronics experiments and simulations)...
Failure is inevitable. I destroyed some electronics components, and I think I almost electrocuted myself after seeing my equipments make a cracking sound and left a nice black mark on the floor. yikes.
Sometime my friends saw what I was doing and asked me why the hell do I do these stuffs because it obviously will not come in the exams.
Sometime, I also asked myself the same question, have I done anything meaningful? Have anything really been done? Am I a credit to my society? Is my work worth it? Have I been deluded? Can anyone benefit from my work? I guess I was too concerned about contribution.
I reached the point where I destroyed all of my notes, I thought they are useless to the world (shouldn't have done that.)
Phew... after that, about the girl. yeah. I kind of reach my maturity late. When I was 15 (I'm 20 now), I don't know what a vagooo is, I thought girls have the same thing... But when my friends showed me that video... I was stupefied. I don't think I was able to sleep for a week.
Sure, my feeling for her fade out after not meeting her for days. But when I see her smiling at me again, yeah, that kind of uplift me.
Wow... wall of texts... I typed them... can't believe it... maybe I really need a social outlet.
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