[ArthurHung]

If I may, let me begin by deeply appreciating the courage and authenticity of this post. This kind of realization and commitment is huge, and I would like to make a comment that I have personally come to realize, that life is kind, or intelligent enough if you'd like, to provide a sign of significant difference a little faster for a conscious individual than 1000 years later.

That out of the way, I will give you some feedback on a possible particular incongruency of belief that may be hindering your results. Those idols of yours did not begin with "contribution" in itself, in mind as they created their inventions and masterpieces. At least not in the beginning. They started by figuring out their passion, coming from their natural inclination. And then they logically applied that in a way that would support them and ensure their good life in old age, and that comes from connecting with other people through their role, coming from who they deeply are inside. Those people knew who they were, a lot deeper than others, and what they were here to do.

About the girl, with whom your emotions have faded so easily, I would definitely call that love. But only in the sense that love is everything, and your example showed a very small degree of it.

I suggest taking more risks, and showing more fearlessness in your actions, the element you neglected to mention in your post. In doing so, you will greatly improve your capacity for love and contribution at the same time. Next time a girl incident happens, simply go up to that girl and say hi, and perhaps start up a convo.

Next time you have any inkling of something or other, before you let your positive energy and emotions "die out" like that girl example, do something, anything related to it that feels right, especially aiming at choices that would lead you to opportunities that you are not used to, that feel uncomfortable.