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Stevejabba · 02-13-2007, 10:42 AM

Hello

This is my first post here, however I have read the forum posting rules and so will try not to contravene any of the rules.

I am currently on holiday in Thailand and have been to bed with numerous Thai girls. These were normal local girls, not prostitutes, however I am realistic and know that they have foreign "customers" who they take money off for sex. So I am sure they have had lots of partners.

On 4 occasions the condom split with different girls. I withdrew straight away but I cannot stop thinking and worrying about contracting HIV.

It is doubly stupid because I went through this worry before (in the UK, as I live in England). I am really quite promiscous and have had lots of sexual partners, so I had myself tested for HIV and was found to be negative, however I know it is much more prevalent here in Thailand.

I have emailed my girlfriend and told her about the situation, as I care about her very much and have told her that if she doesn't want to see me again I will understand. On this point however I did tell her that I find it hard to be faithful and have urges, however I do not think she fully understood until now.

It seems like I destroy myself, and I feel stupid and neanderthal, as if my sole existence is defined by gaining pleasure through either my mouth or my penis.

The thoughts keep running through my head - what if I have it, what if I have it...Until it goes out of control. Yesterday I spent all day in my room crying, except to email my friends..Today I just feel empty and with no more room for anything.

I feel it's worse because I DID take precautions, just the condom split! And I withdrew straight away..It makes me angry in some way, as well as deathly afraid.

I know if i've got it, then my life will be fundamentally different. I just cannot face that thought at this moment, I think I would want to commit suicide, but then I think well I could still have life and try and make the best of it.

But I wonder if anyone has any techniques that can help me try to keep positive and not think / worry over the next 3 months until I know for sure. I will have a stressful time when I return as I will have to find a job and a house and I cannot afford to go to pieces.

I feel I should add that I used to be prone to depression, until the age of about 28 I had depressive interludes but I was sure I had conquered that. SO I don;t want to slip into that again, though I am managing it now I think.

02-13-2007, 10:42 AM	#1 (permalink)
Stevejabba Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 9	Worry about disease Hello This is my first post here, however I have read the forum posting rules and so will try not to contravene any of the rules. I am currently on holiday in Thailand and have been to bed with numerous Thai girls. These were normal local girls, not prostitutes, however I am realistic and know that they have foreign "customers" who they take money off for sex. So I am sure they have had lots of partners. On 4 occasions the condom split with different girls. I withdrew straight away but I cannot stop thinking and worrying about contracting HIV. It is doubly stupid because I went through this worry before (in the UK, as I live in England). I am really quite promiscous and have had lots of sexual partners, so I had myself tested for HIV and was found to be negative, however I know it is much more prevalent here in Thailand. I have emailed my girlfriend and told her about the situation, as I care about her very much and have told her that if she doesn't want to see me again I will understand. On this point however I did tell her that I find it hard to be faithful and have urges, however I do not think she fully understood until now. It seems like I destroy myself, and I feel stupid and neanderthal, as if my sole existence is defined by gaining pleasure through either my mouth or my penis. The thoughts keep running through my head - what if I have it, what if I have it...Until it goes out of control. Yesterday I spent all day in my room crying, except to email my friends..Today I just feel empty and with no more room for anything. I feel it's worse because I DID take precautions, just the condom split! And I withdrew straight away..It makes me angry in some way, as well as deathly afraid. I know if i've got it, then my life will be fundamentally different. I just cannot face that thought at this moment, I think I would want to commit suicide, but then I think well I could still have life and try and make the best of it. But I wonder if anyone has any techniques that can help me try to keep positive and not think / worry over the next 3 months until I know for sure. I will have a stressful time when I return as I will have to find a job and a house and I cannot afford to go to pieces. I feel I should add that I used to be prone to depression, until the age of about 28 I had depressive interludes but I was sure I had conquered that. SO I don;t want to slip into that again, though I am managing it now I think.