[Farryn]

Wow, sallyfrieldam, thank you so much. And thanks to anyone else who wrote that I have a right to feel the way I do.

I hadn't visited this site for a long time (because my boyfriend [who is now my ex-boyfriend] got very upset when he read everyone's replies on the first page. I didn't intend to hurt his feelings or want to continue to hurt his feelings so I didn't return to the site). There were an extra 2 pages to this post when I came to it again! I found myself reacting very negatively to many of the replies. Luckily, sally's posts were there to set me back to a positive mindset.

I do want a monogamous relationship, and for me that means either watching porn together (although I haven't yet found a partner with whom I would trust and feel comfortable doing that) or it means not watching porn at all.

To those of you who wrote that I might be uncomfortable with sex, I'm not. I enjoy sex. I enjoy intimacy. Sex for me though is very emotional and I can't enjoy sex if I'm with a partner who I suspect may only care about the way I look. I was not attracted to my boyfriend at the time primarily because of the way he looked. I was attracted to who he was as a person, and it hurt me that he focused more on looks than I thought he did (since porn is sexual stimulation on looks alone). And please, from this last point about sex and emotions, don't assume that I don't like wild and lusty sex, because I do. But I like it with someone who I know cares a whole lot more about me than about the way I look.

Yes, my ex-boyfriend and I had a problem with communication: when he told me his reasons for watching porn, I failed to stand up for myself and my beliefs. I shut my mouth and convinced myself to accept his "need" to watch porn. If anything, it was a major failure of communication on my part because I didn't tell him sooner that we weren't compatilbe (porn wasn't the only reason).

It's okay that many people enjoy porn. I can enjoy certain types of it when I'm single, but I don't even consider watching it when I'm in a relationship. I don't feel the need to do something that I feel is very selfish when a man is offering his body and his emotional self to me. My boyfriend watching porn made me realize that he (not generalizing for all people who watch porn) probably wasn't offering his emotional self to me, only his physical self. That works for a one night stand, but not for a committed relationship (in my opinion).

Again, this is all only my opinion. I respect everyone else's (sorry that I responded negatively to some of your opinions). The bottom line though is that everyone has to follow their own instincts. I appreciate the discussion, but there isn't any one opinion that could have made me feel okay about my boyfriend watching porn.

All in all, he and I were simply not compatible. I'm sure I wouldn't have felt compelled to write such a post if I were in a loving relationship, even if that loving relationship involved porn. (Oh, and despite my feelings on the subject, I tried the, "maybe we could try to watch it together" route, but he wouldn't hear of it! He said he could only watch it alone).

Again, thank you. I tried to be something that I wasn't and failed. I'm never going to try that again. And I wish the same for all of you, and I admire those of you that have a strong sense of self and strong opinions about the subject (even if they differ from my own).

Farryn