Quote:
Originally Posted by elainevdw  I suppose another, related question is whether you'd consider it an affront to your dignity and independence to change your appearance to make your significant other happy. If they asked you, for example, to: - Wear your hair long (or short) even though you'd rather wear it short (or long)
- Wear that sea green jacket they think looks great on you even though you think it's atrocious
- Grow a goatee even though you think they're itchy as hell and makes you look like a doofus
- Lose 30 lbs even though you think you're attractive just the way you are
What would you think? Would you feel hurt, because you thought you were uber attractive as-is, and it makes you feel like you're not good enough? Or would you feel happy to have the opportunity to do something special for them that they'd enjoy? |
I absolutely will go out of my way to be more attractive for my partner if there is something he particularly mentions or asks for - I love it when I get some feedback about a particular hair style or outfit. I would probably draw the line at growing a goatee though....
Of course it's all in the way they say it - "I love how blue picks out the color of your eyes..." makes me want to wear blue and flutter my eyelashes... "You look like crap in pink" would make me want to punch him in the neck.
I can't imagine a good outcome of a scenario where my partner told me to 'lose 30 pounds' (even though I am currently very overweight - it would be so very confrontational and shaming to have said to me that I think it would speak of a great inequality in the relationship and a lack of respect).... this would be even worse if I already felt I was at a good weight for me and I would probably lose 180 pounds by leaving him...
However he absolutely could say something like "I would love to learn swing dancing with you, how about it?" And when i protest that I want to but am too fat then he could say "Does your weight bother you? Is it something you want to change? Is there any way I can support you in that?" and show a preference for me to be lighter... that would be fine.
Positive feedback is also good - my fiance comments very frequently on how much weight I
have lost and how great I am looking - this really makes me want to continue and stay motivated. I never told him he was getting plump but I have commented a lot now that he is getting leaner, telling him that he is looking hot.