Hi lostinspace,
you're clearly in a lot of pain. You sound very down on yourself, confused about what to do with your life, and its a scary place for you to be.
You've made an excellent choice in choosing to go see a psychologist, so well done for that. It shows that you care about yourself and that you're willing to do what needs to be done to help yourself.
From what you wrote, it sound like you're feeling depressed, and have felt that way for quite some time. The thing with depression is that its so difficult to see the positive when you feel that way, and so difficult to imagine life being any better - but its just a feeling, one that your therapist will help you manage and that will go away in time.
Remember that you're not alone, even if it feels like it. You'll always find friends here for comfort and support when you need it. I encourage you to write often here and share more of how you're feeling.
Here's a question for you - if you imagine having no fear of social interaction and felt pretty comfortable with yourself - is there any type of work that sounds appealing to you?
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