[openeyes]

I generally feel that I’m a better friend/boyfriend for each person when I’m focusing on more than one person. So far, I’ve yet to meet a person that can share as much love with me as I used to with a woman. Years ago a close female friend said that experiencing my love is like looking into the sun, and others that know me readily agree. In the past I very much wanted to be with only one person, and to ALWAYS be with her. In fact, everyone I ever loved, I still love. But when I’m focused on one person for more than a short while, it can easily be overwhelming. My girlfriends were actually the ones who initially recommended seeing multiple people.

Spread out over perhaps half a dozen people though, everyone’s fairly happy and things can go on indefinitely. Look at it like friendship: you’d never see having only one friend as healthy. With monogamy, a person is expected to fulfill all of your relationship needs, and hence must be perfect. With polyamory, different people can satisfy different aspects. You can be more flexible about who you spend time with. No one need be perfect anymore, and you don’t have to break up with someone just because you have a heart that lets you see beauty in more than one person at a time.

An excellent book on the topic is James Ramey’s “Intimate Friendships”. Another is “Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits : Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships” by Deborah M. Anapol. Also, one key thing to point out is that with polyamory, unlike polygamy, both men and women can have multiple partners, not just men. I don’t want to limit the development of whoever I’m with. Intimate friendship best fits the type of relationships I engender. Some have gone on for several years now, not always being extremely serious physically, but with enough affection to balance out the emotional closeness built over time.