[ScottLee]

I'll go ahead and speak on this because I feel I can offer a point of view that may be helper to the topic starter. I am a polyamorous male. I've been with my girlfriend Kim for close to a year now, and since that time have been with a few other girls, none of which wanted to stay with me at the end.

It's tough.

For anyone who is dealing with a complicated marriage, take whatever you've got there and multiply it by 2, or 3, or 4, and you will start to get an idea of what polygamy might be like. It is also important to understand that polyamory and polygamy are two different things. Polyamory is non-marriage, polygamy is often related to multiple marriages itself. What can also be said is that for both of these concepts, sex is not the center focus - the center focus is the relationship, just as it would be in a long term monogamous relationship. Polyamory with sex as a central focus is not polyamory at all, it is swinging.

I first starting seeing Kim right before the time I was going to be getting into polyamory, and she has adapted through all of it to this point in time now. It is different than how I was during monogamous relationships. There is no one single way to carry out a polyamorous relationship, but here is how I carry out mine. The #1 rule which must NOT be violated by ANYONE involved is honesty. There must be full, unrestricted, totally honest communication. However, having said that there are some boundaries and guidelines that have been established. Kim and I have generally agreed that for anyone I am with for a long period of time, I do not have to give any gory details of the sex life. But must either of us be honest about the sex lives we have had? Of course.

But when you're talking about sexual honesty, you come to the concept of dating other people. For one, let me say that Kim does not want to be polyamorous, and at this point she wants to be with only me. I've confronted her with a decision to leave me and move onto another guy who is monogamous several times before, and each time she chooses to stay with me. Though sometimes it has been painful for her. Does it have to be painful for all women involved? The answer is a whole-hearted NO.

For any girl that I am considering being with romantically, it is a gradual process. There is no sex on a first date, or second date, or third date even. There is full communication over my terms of a relationship, as well as hers. For the other girls I've been with, I've always gotten to know them as friends before ever considering being with them romantically. If I want to bring a new girl into the relationship, it is important to me that Kim accept the new girl and that Kim is okay with who the new girl is as a person. The girls MUST get to know each other as people.

The girls I'm with are free to date other guys and be with other guys on the condition that I meet the guys first. Basically, anyone who is in the polyamorous relationship must agree or disagree as a whole as to who, or anyone at all, is permitted to enter the multi-relationship. Nothing happens prior to this point.

Do you have to think about disease more? Yes, you do. Do you have to communicate a lot more? Oh yes. Is it more complicated, more difficult, and can it be painful if the rules are broken? Yes, yes, and more yes.

So with all of these bad points, why do I continue? Some posters have mentioned it - it is because I simply love more than one girl and I do not feel I should be restrained from that point. It's more difficult for everyone involved, and if the man is serious about maintaining his relationships and keeping his girls happy, it puts a lot of time and stress strain on the guy usually where it puts more emotional strain on women(because most women you meet are often monogamous and they do not understand the concept).

There was one girl I was with for a short period of time and for me, I thought that she might have been the perfect match to be with me while I was with Kim. While I had a great time during my time with both her and Kim, she was denying her own feelings. She broke down very shortly afterward and told me that she "couldn't handle it." It's definitely not for everyone. But are the awards worth a shot? I say, yes!

Life is rich and vibrant when you are able to be with more than one girl that you love and care for deeply, and who you are able to spend your life with. When the multi-point relationship is working the way it's meant to, there is never a moment when you feel unfulfilled, and you often feel like together, you can all take on the world, no matter what happens. During the periods where I've been with more than one girl at once, I was smiling a lot more and was overall in a better mood with people in general. And some people point to it being nothing more than an attempt to enrich sex life - it does enrich your sex life, but again - is that the point? No. Love is about being there for one another, companionship, working together, taking care of one another, having fun together, and just being happy.