Why I thought you didn't understand what I said. For starters this format loses so much in the translation. You don't get the tone, inflection, emotion, or attitude and so I might be putting the emphasis in completely the wrong place. A re-read of what we both wrote from a different point of view and perhaps we aren't completely off. But for starters here are some points of interpretation.
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Hm, so we should carry expectations ourselves but never for others? If that were the case, how would an employer make sure that the work was getting done by the employees?
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1) I don't think I said we should carry expectations of our self and not of others. I point out where our expectations of others can be a set up for our own emotional reaction. This is a consequence. When you are aware of the emotional suffering from misplaced expectations, you make your own choices about having them or not. I am not telling people what they "should" do.
2) About a managers expectations of an employee. This is a different scenario than what I was addressing and unfair to apply it. I was addressing how the emotion gets generated and who is responsible for what half. It doesn't mean don't communicate necessary expectations and have agreements about effort. It just means that you don't have to get emotionally upset if work or workers don't meet expectations. There are still consequences, but if you are mindful of expectations you can master the emotions.
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I think what you're saying that you have to have expectations set by yourself of how people can treat you. Either you settle for it or don't and if someone violates the boundary that you've set, you let them know. Anger can be the good way to enforce that boundary but caution should be used before doing something that may damage the relationship even further.
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3) You don't have to have expectations of how people will treat you. I don't know how people will treat me from one person to the next. I don't need to know. As I have interactions with them, I learn how they treat people and decide if I want to continue to interact.
If people do not treat me with respect I will put boundaries with them (Perhaps this is what you meant.) Often I don't let them know. I just make myself unavailable for their company and I don't have to bring it up with them at all.
4) I didn't say that anger was a "good" way to enforce a boundary. It's a way that most people learn, and use with limited awareness that is generally damaging emotionally to both parties.
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But getting upset and keeping that anger doesn't make sense. Recognize your emotion and move on. The purpose of anger isn't for the sake of getting angry, but to recognize an expectation which wasn't met. Am I right? Let it go and focus on being friends with people who do respect you?
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I don't know what is meant by "purpose of anger." The purpose of anger isn't to recognize an expectation. But you can use anger as a helpful clue to identify your misplaced expectations. Perhaps this is what you mean. In this case you have a purpose to clean up your mind and emotions, and identifying your expectations--->anger reactions is helpful.
Perhaps that clarifies some of the details. Much is lost in translation between writer and reader's minds. I know my writing isn't the clearest of tools for communication in these forums as I don't want to put 1500 words in these posts.
We do our best.
Gary