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Originally Posted by Emaaki  I don't want to live this new life that I have created for myself. |
Then don't. It's just a decision.
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U know may say "well create another one" but in many ways I can't have the life I truly desire cos I can't remove all the work I have done on my mind. Instead of crying out 4 help, I have disciplined myself into not showing any emotion, never getting upset, feeling like there r no so called "waves" in my mind.
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You're talking about what was again. That has nothing to do with what is. You talk about the "work" you have done on your mind and how it can't be undone. Sorry, I don't buy it. You are just deciding to be a victim of your emotions. It's just a decision. It doesn't matter what you did before. That's done and in the past. In this moment you have full liberty and ability to make a different decision. You're just choosing to do the same thing.
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EVERYTHING is controlled.
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You call it control, but it's the opposite. All you're doing is suppressing, and as a result you have absolutely no control. Your emotions are controlling you. That's a decision you made. So just decide to stop in this moment, welcome your feelings, and let them go.
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Reasons being cos as I got deeper into depression I didn't want to show ANY aggressive feelings. I was extremely stubborn about being positive all the time.
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The past again.
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But really, emotionally I have aged too much, n also have become too serious. It's like I am so controlled that I can't lose myself in the moment, I need to analyse everything. But I've been doing it so long that it is now stuck.
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So are you going to DECIDE to stay living in that feeling? Or will you DECIDE to let it go? It's just a decision.