I have never been able to find a clear way of putting my feeling on this topic into words, but I will try. I apologize if it the point I'm trying to make is confusing.
I think of my relationships with other people like a scale. A new acquaintance starts out neutral (as a 0, you could say). If I get along well with that person, they behave in a way to gain my respect, etc, they move up into positive territory. If they behave in a way I view as being negative, they move into negative territory.
Family members start out positive in my scale, simply because they are family. Aunts, uncles, and cousins may start out as a 1, for example. Grandparents may be a 2, and parents a 3 (those are just sample numbers, not how I necessarily feel). If they never behave in either a positive or negative way, they remain in place on the scale, so I am happy keeping them in my life. If a cousin who was a 1 begins treating me poorly, they will move down to 0. If they continue treating me poorly they move into negative territory.
Once someone is in negative territory on my relationship scale, I have nothing more to do with them. If they are a -1 I may not actively try to avoid them, just do not initiate contact or feel the need to go out of my way to treat them well. The farther someone goes into negative territory, the more likely I am to actively avoid them.
It is possible for someone to move from negative territory to positive territory on my scale, at which time I welcome them back into my life.
Based on my approach, I see now reason why you should make any effort to keep these people in your life. It sounds like they have done nothing to deserve your respect, and the burden is on them if they would like to be a part of your life.
Many people disagree with my approach, but it has always served me well.
|