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Originally Posted by saintssupporter  I dont become offended at all, Im intrigued more so by the view points held. So she walks into a nightclub, a bloke walks up and says "Hi I like you , can I buy you a drink", she should sleep with him to keep him? Sleeping with someone straight away while no problem if you know yourself is going to be a one night stand but if you see something more I think the risk is higher of being humped and dumped. Any guys interested will wait...why should she feel pressured to having sex with him? |
No, she should detach from the idea that "sleeping with him" is the litmus with which he judges whether he'll stay around long term or whether he will just "hump her and dump her." Her decision to have sex with him has very little bearing (aside from whether or not he thinks the sex was good, that is) on whether or not he's the type of guy who is in it for sex or will stick around. So, thinking that by holding off on sex is going to increases your chances or getting a guy to stay around is manipulative, self-destructive, and just plain silly.
And, like I said, if you set a standard for when you have sex, there is no pressure one way or the other. Let's say your standard is that you feel comfortable having sex on, say, the third date (it could be the first date or it could be the fiftieth date, I'm just using the third date as an example). By doing that (setting that standard) you make an agreement with yourself about sex that does a couple of things:
1. It makes you realize that sex in and of itself isn't a major factor in building interest with a guy. You are now free to create that interest in other, more productive and effective ways.
2. Sex no longer becomes a tool to get what you want. This is huge, because using sex to manipulate other people is really only damaging yourself. It gives you the illusion that you can control people through sex.
3. Most importantly, you are now free to enjoy sex without adding stipulations that it's some big factor in maintaining interest in a guy. (because it's not)
To me, it would seem like more pressure is involved in the act of holding out sex to get a guy to like you than it would be to set a standard for who and when you you have sex.